Classic Comments on the Quote

[oddcouple]

"I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm."
— Alfred Hitchcock


Lurker
May 18, 2010, 11:36 pm
My new favorite quote.
leslie65
December 15, 2010, 10:43 am
I would have solved it faster but I was busy laughing at the quote so far!
montyb
April 26, 2012, 4:33 pm
Hilarious! And I like bagpipes.
abra
July 20, 2014, 2:16 pm
I like the one that says, the Irish gave the Scots the bagpipes as a joke, and the Scots still haven't gotten the joke.
oddcouple
January 26, 2015, 5:06 pm
Joe is walking down the street when he sees his friend Jack carrying a pig under his arm. Joe asks "where did you get such an ugly animal?" The pig says "I won him in a raffle."
Andy451
January 14, 2016, 11:37 am
--from The True Sayings of Jesus Q: Why do bagpipers always walk when they play their instrument? A: To get away from the noise.
darkyr
February 21, 2017, 4:39 am
Oh,wait. I think I just got it... No, maybe not. What?
BriddlesBob
May 29, 2018, 9:07 am
The mother goose was making so much noise quacking and quacking, that the gander called a couple of goslings over and said, "Tell that old bag,' pipe down.'"

[LLapp]

"In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous." — Robert Green Ingersoll (August 11, 1833 – July 21, 1899), Civil War veteran, American political leader, and orator during the Golden Age of Freethought, noted for his broad range of culture and his defense of agnosticism.

darkyr
April 13, 2016, 6:33 am
That's Republic of Mediocrity, mr. freethinker.

[oddcouple]

"You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs. "
— Unattributed


PianoManGidley
December 2, 2010, 1:37 am
Any cook will tell you that. But look what happened to the cook!
Lurker
December 22, 2010, 1:37 am
I love that movie.
bansaisequoia
August 2, 2011, 2:16 pm
What movie?
WRQ9
July 27, 2012, 12:06 am
What cook?
BeeAre
September 22, 2012, 1:04 pm
I thought this was Walter Durranty talking about Joe Stalin starving millions of people in the Ukraine famine of the late thirties.
locodad
September 28, 2012, 10:50 am
What did the egg say to the cook?-You crack me up
Lurker
September 21, 2013, 12:55 pm
The movie was Clue. I believe this particular exchange was Martin Mull and Eileen Brennan.
LLapp
January 27, 2015, 11:51 am
BeeAre, that was an awesome comment.
darkyr
January 26, 2018, 10:04 am
You can't have bacon with your omelette without breaking a pig.
tavi5280
March 10, 2018, 3:29 am
Q:What did thee chicken say when she saw an omelette? A: Just look at all those mixed up kids!
Eureka
December 29, 2018, 3:54 am
Thanks for all the laughs everyone!

[oddcouple]

"Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years."
— Robert Oxton Bolt

PianoManGidley
February 19, 2011, 4:20 pm
Ah, the old ball and threads!
chopstix
March 2, 2014, 8:12 am
haha!
montyb
May 11, 2015, 3:20 pm
Or a needle and chain.
maradnu
September 7, 2016, 3:24 pm
I'm standing on a ledge and your fine spider web is fastening my ankle to a stone. - Leonard Cohen
kb83
April 25, 2017, 2:13 am
mine is sew-sew.
kb83
August 27, 2018, 7:27 am
On the mend.
LLapp
July 9, 2019, 4:06 am
Quit needling me.

[LLapp]

"The only way of catching a train I have ever discovered is to miss the train before." — Gilbert Chesterton

kjmcaj
January 28, 2013, 5:27 pm
I accidentally do that very often- and it sucks !!

kb83
March 26, 2015, 9:20 am
Piet Hein: "'It ought to be plain how little you gain by getting excited and vexed. You'll always be late for the previous train, and always on time for the next.'

judy100
February 17, 2017, 10:34 pm
Learned from missing a flight

Eureka
February 26, 2019, 10:57 pm
I like it, kb83!

badbob
July 7, 2019, 7:48 am
i am so slow that i always come in first in the race behind me

badbob
July 24, 2019, 2:46 am
my ancestors came over on the Juneflower

[oddcouple]

"When a noble life has prepared old age, it is not decline that it reveals, but the first days of immortality. "
— Germaine de Stael

montyb
March 18, 2015, 12:43 pm
All right! Let's hear it for those days of immorality. Now where did I put my glasses?
dovid1946
May 6, 2015, 12:13 pm
I think I found your glasses, monty. You can see them the next time you solve a crypto from Carl Jung. He has them on his forehead.
oddcouple
May 9, 2015, 2:04 am
l right! I'm not gettnig old, just immortal
oddcouple
December 11, 2015, 3:10 pm
Wow! Can't believe my typos from last time. Must have been late at night.
Persephone59
May 4, 2019, 11:12 pm
No, oddcouple, you really are just getting closer to immortality.

[oddcouple]

"Life is the hyphen between matter and spirit."
— Augustus William Hare

fishbum
June 3, 2014, 6:25 pm
Usually the hyphen is a given character.
dovid1946
May 26, 2015, 3:39 am
The biography failed to mention that Mr. Hare was a distant cousin to Bugs Bunny, esq.
damsel22
June 28, 2015, 8:55 am
I think this is the first time I have ever seen the word "hyphen" in a quote.
tgreen517
November 13, 2015, 8:19 pm
I think life is more of an ! than a -
kb83
March 29, 2016, 3:57 am
If a German agreed with him, he/she would say, "Hear, hear, Herr Hare."
debzhaus
April 3, 2016, 6:09 am
hahaha, "hear hear, Herr Hare"
318WOZ
May 30, 2019, 12:53 am
I kind of like the quotation, but the comments are delightful.
LLapp
July 23, 2019, 10:32 pm
If a German liked his joke, he/she would say, "Hear, hear, Herr Hare, har har har."

[LLapp]

"When the water reaches the upper level, follow the rats." — Claude Swanson

BrainCellKeeper
September 1, 2014, 7:43 am
That's what they did on the Titanic.

Hash
October 2, 2014, 12:28 am
Yeah, why go down alone?

susanith
July 8, 2017, 12:41 pm
Alas, I had trouble with upper. Did they really follow the rats on the Titanic?

Queethebean
June 9, 2018, 9:58 am
Only the first class rats.

DavidinKenai
August 3, 2018, 11:16 am
To the lobsters in the kitchen, the sinking of the Titanic was a miracle.

badbob
July 5, 2019, 3:01 pm
how do you think the unthinkable? with an ithberg

[Eureka]

That time when all the comments were pure gold.

"Gold cannot be pure, and people cannot be perfect."
— Chinese Proverb

judy100
March 18, 2015, 2:32 am
24K gold is pure.

darkyr
January 9, 2017, 3:02 am
Then it is in direct violation of Chinese Proverbs and must be stopped immediately.

writeon
May 25, 2017, 9:05 pm
So if gold is pure, then people are perfect, and I don't have to keep going to the gym.

Elephino
August 14, 2018, 4:56 pm
Right on, writeon!

MadDoctor
October 31, 2018, 8:00 pm
24K gold is 99.99% pure. Almost, but not quite.

montyb
December 1, 2018, 5:43 am
Writeon, You could go to Gold's Gym.

[oddcouple]

"Caution is a most valuable asset in fishing, especially if you are the fish. "
— Unattributed

bansaisequoia
February 26, 2011, 12:19 pm
This applies to e-mail, too.
bazinga
October 24, 2012, 8:00 pm
and phishing
dovid1946
February 14, 2015, 9:21 am
catch any of those gefilte fish lately?
LLapp
July 1, 2016, 8:41 pm
Gefilte phishing is the worst kind.
ruxpin66
July 11, 2016, 7:58 am
I laugh every time I see your screen name, bazinga. Love it!
obsessedreader8
July 30, 2016, 2:31 am
49 seconds.
darkyr
August 16, 2017, 9:51 am
Though there is nothing like a red herring to keep you busy while you are reading.
skeeter
April 1, 2019, 3:27 pm
I'll mullet over and get back to you.

[oddcouple]

"Three things drive a man outdoors; smoke, a leaking roof and a scolding wife. "
— Proverb


agatha
January 1, 2011, 3:54 pm
Oh, that man again!
montyb
October 20, 2012, 10:44 pm
That's it. I'm outta here!
chopstix
May 8, 2013, 6:24 pm
"The roof's leaking AGAIN 'cause ya didn't patch it good last time!" she exclaimed after lighting up.
montyb
July 22, 2014, 1:00 pm
It isn't "smoldering wife"? I have got to get new glasses.
LLapp
January 1, 2015, 9:03 pm
Not a scalding wife?
saipanwriter
February 9, 2015, 3:21 am
Because if the roof is leaking, it's going to be much better outdoors...
kb83
February 18, 2015, 4:47 am
great comments!
marnita
May 28, 2016, 7:52 am
He will probably have to go outdoors to fix the roof, especially if he wants to forestall the wife's scolding.
universalmom
May 28, 2016, 12:12 pm
Hahaha I had smoldering wife too, or I thought I did
abra
June 22, 2017, 6:47 pm
I thought I had smoldering wife, but when I looked it was actually "smolding". I would think maybe the smoldering wife would keep him indoors.

[oddcouple]

"Children have to be educated, but they have also to be left to educate themselves."
— Abbe Dimnet

Dynamite
March 1, 2009, 8:13 pm
Never a truer quote!
badfrog
April 14, 2009, 4:15 pm
The author is Ernest Dimnet
bansaisequoia
June 23, 2009, 1:18 pm
Abbe is a title for a French clergyman.
montyb
December 24, 2012, 6:33 pm
So if one writes to him for advice, one should write to "Dear Abbe"?
agatha
May 26, 2013, 12:59 am
That's truly funny, monty.
agatha
May 26, 2013, 1:05 am
or should I say Monte
abracadebra
February 23, 2015, 2:10 pm
I believe as long as the both sides are equally balanced then it is morally excepted behavioural learning therapy.
LLapp
February 25, 2015, 6:51 am
How did agatha do that?
wvwoman
July 25, 2015, 4:24 pm
she got the quote twice in one night, llapp.
marnita
March 4, 2016, 8:40 am
I think it is possible to leave two comments, one right after the other, as long as one has not left the page. Maybe I will try it.
marnita
October 31, 2016, 10:30 am
Well, I think it used to be possible, but I guess not any more.
darkyr
December 22, 2016, 4:42 am
I'll just leave the one comment and I think we will all feel better for it.
LLapp
February 28, 2017, 2:01 pm
Look! I made it back! Took a year and a half, but it worked.
LLapp
October 18, 2018, 5:46 pm
^^?? Okay it was 2 years.

[oddcouple]

I'd never heard Maradnu's version. In the story I heard back when I was in college, the brother who survived was shopping for a preacher who would call the deceased man a saint. After approaching every church in town, one pastor finally agreed to call the brother a saint for $10 thousand. The rest of the pastors in town were shocked and attended the funeral just to see for themselves how this pastor could be so dishonest. The pastor in his eulogy carried on for several minutes as to the evils and lies of the deceased brother. Looking straight at the survivor, he said "Jack Thompson was the most evil person I ever knew, but compared to his brother, he was a saint."

Same joke, different religion. Not sure which version is funnier.

[maradnu]

There once were two evil brothers. They were rich and used their money to keep their evil ways from the public eye. They attended the same temple, and to everyone else, they appeared to be perfect Jews.

One day, their rabbi retired and a new one was hired. Not only could the new rabbi see right through the brothers' deceptions, but he also spoke well and true about it. Due to the rabbi's honesty and integrity, the temple's membership grew in numbers. Eventually, a fundraising campaign was started to build a much bigger temple.

All of a sudden, one of the brothers died. The remaining brother sought out the new rabbi the day before the funeral and handed him a check for the amount needed to complete the new building. He held the check for the rabbi to see.

"I have only one condition," he said. "At the funeral, you must say my brother was a mensch. You must say those exact words."

After some thought, the rabbi gave his word and took the check. He cashed it immediately.

At the funeral the next day, however, the rabbi did not hold back. "He was an evil man," he said about the dead brother. "He cheated on his wife and abused his family. Never once did he commit an unselfish act." He railed on and on about the deceased. After nearly a half hour of the evil truth, the rabbi paused and shrugged his shoulders. Finally, he said, "But compared to his brother, he was a mensch."

[Eureka]

Related to Quizzical's quote above, I have a friend who had a no-goodnik (if ever there was one - an abusive drunk/drug addict often in trouble with the law and who cost her a lot more money than he ever contributed to their household) for a husband for a time when she was young - she had two kids with him before he left. A few years later- she'd divorced him using legal reasons of abandonment by then - she got a call from social security saying he'd been found dead (drowned in a puddle after a bar fight - I know, I know, it's like a melodramatic crime novel) and that she was entitled to social security for her kids. She always said that "being dead was the best job he'd ever had." Oh ... there is a happy ending - a few years after that, she met and fell in love with a very nice sane, responsible fellow and they've lived more-or-less happily ever after since ... though her two kids from that marriage (now young adults) didn't fare so well, I'm afraid.

Wow, what a strange turn of events, Fudi. I hope her kids are able to sort their lives out and not follow in their dad's footsteps.