Classic Comments on the Quote

[Fudi]

"The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer."
— Victor Borge

PianoManGidley
January 22, 2011, 3:23 am
And the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline is that you take off your shoes to jump on the trampoline.
matarisa
June 5, 2011, 7:38 pm
Oh dear.
LLapp
May 29, 2015, 6:44 pm
Heard last weekend from a banjo player: "Perfect pitch is when you throw a banjo through a window and it lands on an accordion."
Beagle
April 27, 2017, 8:42 am
The difference between an oboe and a chain saw is that you could tune a chain saw if you really had to.
skeeter
April 28, 2017, 10:54 am
As someone who plays both instruments, I say Harumph. Actually, I can take a joke, and this is very funny.
writeon
May 17, 2017, 11:00 am
There's no difference between a trumpet and a harmonica. They both sound bad under water.

[Eureka]

"You cannot get anything out of nature or from God by gambling; only out of your neighbor. "
— John Ruskin

puzzleme
July 20, 2015, 5:27 pm
I bet he's right.

GtrZan
October 6, 2015, 5:41 am
I'll take those odds

jason jiujitsu
February 16, 2017, 9:04 am
my neighbor is one bad poker player, too. lol

LLapp
August 11, 2018, 8:08 am
If anybody else is, like I was, wondering about that semicolon that should be a comma, I am sorry to report that the semicolon was indeed there in the original text. Not only that, but he stuck a dash immediately after it. I kid you not.

skeeter
March 9, 2019, 8:21 pm
Well, I'll be dashed!

skeeter
May 30, 2020, 11:24 am
Maybe we can give him a semicolonoscopy.

[oddcouple]

"How can anyone govern a nation that has 246 different kinds of cheese?"
— Charles de Gaulle


maradnu
June 27, 2009, 4:46 pm
And it would be easier if they only had 245?
datagawa
August 22, 2010, 12:23 am
But of curds, there is no whey you can.
Queethebean
July 19, 2012, 7:31 pm
Well, 245, yes--any idiot could govern that. But 246? c'mon---we are only human.
LLapp
December 2, 2015, 6:40 pm
Sweet dreams are made of cheese.
SippyGurl
April 15, 2018, 6:55 pm
i a brie most havartily... dunno with what but wanted to make some cheese noises
jbb33054
December 15, 2018, 12:49 am
63
Ian123
July 19, 2019, 10:10 am
I Camembert it any longer

[Eureka]

"The voice of the majority is no proof of justice. "
— Johann Friedrich von Schiller

GtrZan
January 14, 2016, 6:16 am
hence, true democracy never works. i.e. 2 Wolves and a sheep democratically deciding what's for dinner

darkyr
April 23, 2018, 6:38 am
I'd like to know what the two wolves and a sheep decide on for dinner the second night.

Synonymous
June 12, 2020, 12:40 pm
darkyr Left overs.

[Descifrador]

"It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you."
— Jack Handey


maradnu
April 23, 2009, 12:34 am
I suggest we let him open all the containers with skull & crossbones on them.

LiveLoveLaugh
August 28, 2009, 12:15 am
good plan

debzhaus
April 4, 2011, 10:49 pm
I hate it when that happens.

chopstix
December 15, 2012, 4:21 pm
What is it about Jack Handey that evokes so much irritation? I think it's because he seems to think he's being irreverent, when really he's just inane.

Caution
May 16, 2013, 11:29 am
2 in a row from him.

WRQ9
December 6, 2013, 6:51 am
I have to admit, he is off a lot more than on. Not a bad idea, just a clumsy approach.

maradnu
September 4, 2016, 3:09 pm
He is stupid and cruel without being particularly funny.

letfreedomring
May 14, 2017, 6:35 am
It just isn't funny. I utter a groan as I solve his quotes. I know it's him without looking.

vintage38
April 11, 2018, 8:38 am
38 seconds

DrCryptell
September 2, 2018, 1:14 am
It's more likely he'd drink its contents and scare the ETs taking him to the hospital.

Eureka
November 28, 2018, 4:12 am
Oh, Jack!

imsoeasy
September 5, 2019, 2:05 am
Completed without knowing author. Had a 'that's dumb" reaction to it. Typical Handey. He might occassionally hit the mark, but you've got to have a bent sense of humor to like this guy's typical tripe.

[oddcouple]

"Humanity is the rich effluvium, it is the waste and the manure and the soil, and from it grows the tree of the arts. "
— Ezra Pound


locodad
June 27, 2014, 7:37 am
its against the law to have words like effluvium in the dictionary or at least in a crypto because it mess it up your time
LLapp
March 25, 2015, 1:05 pm
Please don't get up, I'm only effluving through . . .
abra
July 27, 2015, 6:33 pm
For some reason, I knew efffluvium.
maradnu
June 28, 2016, 3:09 pm
He is full of effluvium
MamaB
October 16, 2016, 3:02 am
Fill in the other things first. But do NOT let this create a picture in your mind!
wobray2
October 18, 2016, 12:42 pm
Meet the right people, and it is natural to associate 'humanity' with 'effluvium'
museoffire
January 19, 2017, 3:17 pm
My fastest time ever! 84 seconds
oddcouple
March 4, 2017, 12:21 am
Well, that stinks!
phthelen
August 16, 2017, 7:41 am
Well done, museoffire.
seastar228
November 20, 2017, 1:58 pm
Really slow, but here I am.
mmfs83
July 30, 2018, 3:08 am
I had to try all the remaining letters to get effluvium. We used to live in a village that considered themselves affluent. We old-timers called it effluent because of the failing septic systems.
kb83
February 6, 2019, 3:47 am
And we are each pieces of this?
montyb
November 19, 2019, 7:26 pm
What an arrogant way to say we're all full of s**t.
abra
January 25, 2020, 9:30 pm
I am NOT effluvium.

[LLapp]

"He that hath a trade hath an estate; he that hath a calling hath an office of profit and honor." — Benjamin Franklin

puzzleme
August 9, 2015, 7:19 pm
I didn't know he had such a terrible lisp.

[Eureka]

"We lost because we told ourselves we lost. "
— Leo Tolstoy

bansaisequoia
April 20, 2010, 4:45 pm
Doesn't this sound more like something a basketball coach would say?

montyb
July 26, 2012, 12:53 pm
I'm not certain. As Fyodor Dostoyevsky once said, "Just wait 'til next year."

Queethebean
August 2, 2012, 8:20 pm
But as Chekhov always said, "it ain't over til its over".

jnoodles
May 13, 2013, 9:59 am
Surely our opponents couldn't have won on their own account. God is, after all, on our side.

bansaisequoia
July 12, 2013, 5:30 am
Or, as Yogi Berra said, "If you were to destroy the belief in immortality in mankind, not only love but every living force on which the continuation of all life in the world depended, would dry up at once."

montyb
June 17, 2015, 1:28 pm
That Yogi always cracks me up with his malapropisms.

Persephone59
February 3, 2018, 3:54 pm
On the eve of Super Bowl LII, Solzhenitsyn brought up deflategate....

abra
July 30, 2018, 8:24 am
Great comments, especially bansai.

[Fudi]

I'm not sure that Andy451 gets nearly enough love in this forum and here is a perfect demonstration of why he deserves it:

"Since periods of change such as the present one come so rarely in human history, it is up to each of us to make the best use of our time to help create a happier world."
— Dalai Lama

Andy451
October 17, 2015, 1:50 pm
I went to high school with the guy, and not many people know, but the Dalai Lama is a huge Mets fan. He has a busy schedule, and he doesn't get out to as many games as he used to. Here you can see him at the airport, watching the fifth game of the Mets vs Dodgers championship series. You don't make a great deal of money as a Lama. But being god has its perks sometimes. Now this particular lama is no Yogi Berra, but if I was to ask you, "Who won the fifth game of the Mets vs Dodgers championship series?", could you guess who won? Do you think Pope Francis Sinatra could pull that of? Match these guys playing checkers, doing a hula hoop marathon, telling dirty jokes, playing ping pong, cheating on their taxes, levitating, astral projection, throwing Swiss cheese at a Swiss guard, and then whacking them with a halberd for charity, and I'm telling you the Dalai Lama will win four out of five of these contests every time. He's also a better middle infielder, and I once saw him play Innagoddadavida by Iron Butterfly on the ukelele. This guy rocks!
SwampySox
June 2, 2016, 11:36 am
Great insight. Thanks Andy.
kb83
September 12, 2017, 10:25 am
Hello, Dalai.
Eureka
January 5, 2019, 12:54 pm
You have a very active imagination, Andy.
abra
April 19, 2019, 10:20 pm
But what about prom Andy? Who did you take? Who did the Dali Lama take? Did someone's dad spring for a limo?
lesliecomelastly
June 13, 2019, 2:56 am
What Eureka said.

Side note, sad one ... last night, while playing cryptos, a different Andy451 got some flak from other users, followed by a comment from MamaB, which noted that Andy has passed away and that players here should give him a break. (I didn't know that Andy died and was sorry to hear it.)

[Fudi]

"A day without newspapers is like walking around without your pants on."
— Jerry Coleman

Comments on this Puzzle:

rage
March 27, 2012, 9:45 am
I think newspapers will be completely digital before they stop producing pants.
GtrZan
March 14, 2014, 2:20 am
that's just weird
nelnose
May 17, 2016, 3:57 pm
Ahhhhh, freedom.
spacecoyote1966
August 31, 2016, 9:18 am
This is especially true for those of us whose pants are made out of newspaper.
debzhaus
November 23, 2016, 3:41 pm
spacecoyote is funny. almost made me pee my newspaper.
montyb
July 18, 2017, 11:33 pm
My pants are digital...or at least binary.
lertsek
June 12, 2018, 11:21 am
So that's why so many naked people run out on the lawn to get their paper.
318WOZ
February 21, 2019, 3:45 pm
Spacecoyote1966, that's a great cost-saving measure. But I will never switch to digital pants. Nope, not for me.
Queethebean
June 29, 2019, 4:20 pm
I never thought I'd get used to my digital NYT, but I really like it now. Taking a lot longer time to get used to my digital pants.

[LLapp]

To accompany the previous post, here's the original that darkyr tracked line by line.


The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost (1916)

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves, no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

[LLapp]

"When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply and did not take, my heart is like to break." — Akhenaton

Lurker
July 23, 2013, 4:34 pm
When I did this one, the letters representing the word "look" were "beer". While that made it easier to decide that the double letter should be O, it was very distracting!

skoogie2
September 3, 2014, 5:23 am
Its more like what you could have said not taken

montyb
April 25, 2015, 7:17 am
The beer not taken?

badbob
August 15, 2016, 12:12 am
it is obvious that he was looking for beer

darkyr
April 6, 2019, 3:54 pm
So true montyb. May it please the court:

Two beers presented on a bar of wood
And sorry I could not drink both

And be one drinker, long I stood
And pondered the first as well I could
Of the select ingredients of which it quoth.

Then looked the other, just as cold,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was frothy, rich and bold;
Though as the ABV foretold,
They were really about the same,

And both that evening equally
dear In bottles frosted and dark.
Oh, I kept the first as a second beer!
As knowing how beer leads on to beer,
I wandered out into the park.

I shall be telling this with sigh
Somewhere days and days hence:
Two beers presented on a bar, and I —
I took them both to keep me high,
And, may it please the court, that is why I peed the fence.

[LLapp]

"I have always considered tennis as a combat in an arena between two gladiators who have their racquets and their courage as their weapons." — Yannick Noah

Barnabas
May 11, 2017, 6:10 pm
Never bring a tennis racquet to a gladiator match.

[oddcouple]

"We cannot carry our father's corpse with us everywhere we go."
— Guillaume Apollinaire


Lily H
May 24, 2011, 1:43 am
Why would anyone want to do that?
abra
June 13, 2012, 5:49 pm
Nor would we want to. EWWWW.
cellophane
August 6, 2012, 3:59 pm
morbid
momof7
February 24, 2013, 5:02 am
It might start to stink after a day or two.
harmiger
May 9, 2013, 7:07 pm
But we do take his ashes everytime we move
gryhnd51
August 20, 2013, 11:24 pm
Perhaps "corpse" is a merely a reference to your father's reputation?
jnoodles
September 1, 2013, 2:55 am
I know exactly what this means and have been doing this since before Dad died. No more. I hope.
SippyGirl
September 9, 2013, 9:06 am
without context, this sounds pretty gruesome
dovid1946
January 17, 2015, 10:19 pm
sounds like the idea for a movie- sequel to 'weekend at Bernie's'
jval
January 30, 2015, 4:27 am
Maybe if we carry his past advice and love, it would be easier to move around.
abra
November 12, 2015, 3:53 pm
I know he doesn't mean this literally, it's just more fun to discuss that way.
darkyr
May 17, 2016, 6:16 am
I usually just set him outside on the curb when I run into the 7-Eleven.
nelnose
May 22, 2016, 5:45 am
Only if he's been cremated.
maradnu
January 7, 2017, 2:57 pm
How about if I have him cremated and carry the ashes? Or would I just be making an ash of myself.
Jalapenoman
February 25, 2017, 1:15 am
Dad weighed about fifty pounds more than me, so I have to use a wheelbarrow.
Old Alto
March 26, 2017, 7:26 am
I did for a while, but found it hard to keep a job.
letfreedomring
March 27, 2017, 8:38 am
gryhnd51 seems to have nailed the meaning of this quote. at least, I agree....
LLapp
April 14, 2017, 1:09 pm
This is what the coat check room is for.
kb83
June 14, 2017, 4:06 am
This reminds me of the movie "Little Miss Sunshine", (Abigail Breslin), when Alan Arkin (the grandpa) dies suddenly and they have to take him along in the van to make the Little Miss Sunshine pageant in time. This is one of the funniest movies ever!
skeeter
October 20, 2017, 3:23 am
Because it would be a lot of dead weight.
badbob
May 19, 2018, 2:40 am
weekend at bernie's
DrCryptell
June 23, 2018, 9:33 pm
Too heavy unless we use a wheelbarrow, but how could we ride the underground with it?
lertsek
June 30, 2018, 5:50 pm
You could use the diamond lanes on the freeway.
Eureka
February 21, 2019, 3:00 am
Loved that movie, kb83! And these comments are hilarious!
Synonymous
February 16, 2020, 11:58 pm
^Agree Eureka on both comments. LOL...
BriddlesBob
April 13, 2020, 2:19 am
I say, make the "dead weight" outside.

[LLapp]

OMG, Fudi, I thought you were talking about Abra holding back on the content of her comment. Now I realize you were talking about her top-secret formula for returning to add a second comment. I want to know too! ABRA, HOW DID YOU DO IT?