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  • "Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are."
    — Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

    bansaisequoia on 2011-12-03 00:57:08
    I eat beefcakes and studmuffins.

    montyb on 2012-08-05 21:11:54
    I'm kind of partial to corn dogs, myself.

    iltquilt on 2013-03-14 19:38:19
    Chocolate ... any kind of chocolate. What does that make me?

    locodad on 2014-02-03 01:00:02
    i want some homemade tacos, not from Taco Smell

    momof7 on 2014-12-31 15:31:31
    I have a daily hot chocolate.

    universalmom on 2015-01-19 04:39:19
    I'm a sea salt caramel, apparently

    abra on 2015-02-02 06:38:42
    I think I'm catching cold. I'd like a grilled cheese sandwich, and some home made chicken noodle soup. That's probably not what I am, but it's what I would like.

    LLapp on 2015-03-01 16:06:51
    (Stop me if I've told this one before . . . ) So this guy walks into his doctor's office with a sprig of parsley in one ear, asparagus in the other, and a carrot stick up his nose. He says, "Doc, what's my problem?" and the doctor says, "You're not eating right."

    wshanley@sbcglobal.net on 2015-05-09 11:23:34
    From the look of this guys picture,he doesn't appear to have missed too many lunches.

    marnita on 2015-06-19 12:32:43
    If I tell you what I eat, you can tell me that I am . . . fat.

    fishbum on 2016-10-04 07:27:13
    So, bansaisequoia, you working out?

    Comment


    • "If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands."
      — Douglas Adams

      silveryaspen on 2009-03-02 16:36:11
      Just ducky!

      kat on 2009-09-29 15:23:44
      As long as it's not a silly goose...

      opallady on 2010-11-18 22:17:06
      How can this possibly considered edgy or offensive??????

      eetee on 2011-04-11 03:13:54
      cute

      wvwoman on 2012-08-05 03:04:43
      opallady, maybe there's a duck hater in our midst!!

      zeldamar on 2013-01-07 19:11:38
      or a duck lover!

      Barnabas on 2013-07-25 17:06:40
      A duck walks into a Victoria's Secret and buys a negligee for his girlfriend. The clerk asks him, "May I put that on your bill?" The duck answers, "I'm not that kind of duck."

      nevadasmith68 on 2013-08-18 04:56:14
      That's true,Doug.

      beerfan95 on 2014-02-25 08:49:05
      I'm glad people found this to be inspirational.

      slow1 on 2014-11-03 07:39:07
      Barnabas, you win that series of comments. LOL

      LLapp on 2015-06-26 07:14:41

      Comment


      • "Civilization begins with order, grows with liberty, and dies with chaos." — Will Durant

        montyb on 2013-08-07 01:19:40
        Well, except for that order and liberty stuff, that pretty well describes my life.

        Comment


        • "Gardening is civil and social, but it wants the vigor and freedom of the forest and the outlaw."
          — Henry David Thoreau

          montyb on 2013-08-07 16:45:44
          I don't recall Robin Hood ever doing any gardening.

          locodad on 2013-09-13 01:52:56
          you are funny montyb

          debzhaus on 2014-10-21 15:39:10
          LOL monty

          LLapp on 2015-08-08 21:37:15
          The legend covers only his exciting adventures away from home. Between adventures, he raised peonies and created prize-winning needlepoint pillows.

          tfw on 2016-01-02 05:47:44
          He was very good at needlework, but the needles he used were very large and shot from bows.

          Comment


          • "I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!"
            — Homer Simpson


            abra on 2016-04-23 18:41:58
            And ya'll think Jack Handey quotes are awful???

            darkyr on 2016-05-28 07:48:00
            No, I don't. Who told you that?

            Comment


            • "I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm."
              — Alfred Hitchcock

              Lurker on 2010-05-18 23:36:36
              My new favorite quote.

              leslie65 on 2010-12-15 10:43:49
              I would have solved it faster but I was busy laughing at the quote so far!

              montyb on 2012-04-26 16:33:38
              Hilarious! And I like bagpipes.

              abra on 2014-07-20 14:16:52
              I like the one that says, the Irish gave the Scots the bagpipes as a joke, and the Scots still haven't gotten the joke.

              oddcouple on 2015-01-26 17:06:26
              Joe is walking down the street when he sees his friend Jack carrying a pig under his arm. Joe asks "where did you get such an ugly animal?" The pig says "I won him in a raffle."

              Andy451 on 2016-01-14 11:37:52
              --from The True Sayings of Jesus Q: Why do bagpipers always walk when they play their instrument? A: To get away from the noise.

              Comment


              • "We do not learn by inference and deduction and the application of mathematics to philosophy, but by direct intercourse and sympathy."

                kb83 on 2014-10-25 15:07:05
                Was math hard for ya', Hank?

                JD_1947 on 2015-01-03 11:02:21
                . . . I am so tired and so slow I don't know why I continue to do these puzzles . . . Nap time . . .119 seconds

                Hash on 2015-01-14 07:40:27
                With more sympathy I could learn a lot during intercourse.

                ruxpin66 on 2015-12-26 03:21:37
                Disagree with this.

                LLapp on 2016-04-07 17:05:29
                I've tried multi-tasking, but it just doesn't work to learn differential equations during intercourse.

                Comment


                • "Many things grow in the garden that were never sown there."
                  — Thomas Fuller

                  montyb on 2013-06-30 12:58:04
                  The same is true of my refrigerator.

                  LLapp on 2015-06-09 05:39:08
                  Well, maybe not sown by the human gardener.

                  oddcouple on 2016-07-10 00:24:20
                  Remind me never to raid Monty's refrigerator

                  Comment


                  • "It has been my observation that most people get ahead during the time that others waste. "
                    — Henry Ford

                    sputnick on 2013-08-20 15:50:52
                    These quotes about wasting time always sting a little bit when they come up...

                    locodad on 2014-02-08 09:46:04
                    i don't think Mr. Ford did cryptograms or else he might have thought it was fun and not a waste of time

                    wvwoman on 2014-12-20 15:51:11
                    i tell myself i'm exercising my brain. (gotta rationalize it one way or another!)

                    marnita on 2015-07-25 15:19:33
                    Time that is enjoyed is not wasted. There's more to life than making automobiles.

                    oddcouple on 2015-09-04 01:37:43
                    So the race really does belong to the tortoise, right? Now i can feel better about losing all those races when I was young.

                    Comment


                    • Now that's a pun.

                      "But make no mistake: the weeds will win; nature bats last." — Robert M. Pyle

                      montyb on 2014-03-01 11:43:52
                      Home field advantage.

                      Comment


                      • Woman is the salvation or the destruction of the family. She carries its destiny in the folds of her mantle."
                        — Henri Frederic Amiel

                        vivian1874 on 2013-01-01 02:20:40
                        go ahead mister, wash your hands of your inadequacies... blame it on the lady!

                        universalmom on 2013-11-28 13:38:24
                        Ha...I have a mantle!!

                        montyb on 2013-12-30 17:27:37
                        All molluscs also have a mantle.

                        ginniemae on 2014-05-18 16:40:46
                        Does he know behind every Large businessman there is a good woman.

                        insomniac on 2015-04-19 20:24:17
                        My mantle's covered in dust and candlesticks, not folds.

                        dovid1946 on 2015-05-06 13:58:53
                        Mantle never folded. He was great in the clutch.

                        montyb on 2015-10-07 17:11:56
                        And another chain of witty repartee by the immensely clever people on this site. Thanks for the chortles.

                        universalmom on 2016-03-07 05:26:38
                        Lol montyb, did you just call me a mollusk?
                        "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." -- Albert Einstein

                        Comment


                        • "All is ephemeral - fame and the famous as well." — Marcus Aurelius

                          oddcouple on 2016-01-02 17:32:56
                          I'm just glad I got ephemeral. I haven't seen that word in years.

                          oddcouple on 2016-01-10 01:50:22
                          I'm just glad I got ephemeral. I haven't seen that word in eight days.

                          Comment


                          • Sense imagery from Darkyr

                            "Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics - it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality." — John W. Gardner

                            darkyr on 2016-09-13 04:44:47
                            Time for a spoonful of suck-it-up-and-swallow-it-down. Tastes like cherries soaked in motor oil, but you will be better in no time.

                            Comment


                            • "Optimism is a kind of heart stimulant - the digitalis of failure."
                              — Elbert Hubbard

                              tabbyclaw on 2011-05-16 07:57:02
                              To be taken under strict medical supervision and fatal in large doses?

                              montyb on 2013-03-08 23:08:58
                              Ask your doctor or pharmicist if optimism is right for you.

                              Gifted on 2014-12-10 07:30:32
                              no fatalities or ill side effects have been reported

                              wordfairy on 2015-03-08 23:09:06
                              These statements have not been approved by the FDA.

                              LLapp on 2015-03-17 11:36:38
                              For rebuttal, see "Bright-Sided: How Positive Thinking Is Undermining America," by Barbara Ehrenreich.

                              darkyr on 2016-05-06 10:16:20
                              Remember, Optimism is not right for everyone, and side effects may vary. If you should experience a sudden loss of vision this may be a sign of a more serious condition.

                              Comment


                              • Proverb fails fact-checking

                                "The back of one door is the face of another." — Proverb

                                mumu on 2011-11-20 15:30:52
                                Actually, that's not true.

                                chopstix on 2013-04-12 18:48:27
                                yeah, it would be the same door

                                kb83 on 2014-07-11 05:44:27
                                Yeah, going back to where you trying to leave from!

                                dovid1946 on 2015-01-02 17:18:47
                                how about if it is a revolving door, and you get caught in it and gunned down by fat Clemenza

                                Barnabas on 2015-08-25 17:32:25
                                The back of Regan MacNeil's head is the face of Regan MacNeil.

                                LLapp on 2015-12-25 15:48:39
                                This is not the full proverb. It ends with, "Wait, wasn't I just in this same room?"

                                RustySkipper on 2016-06-26 11:45:12
                                How can the back of a door transfer to another door?

                                Comment

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