Classic Comments on the Quote

[Eureka]

"If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing." — Anonymous

maradnu
May 19, 2009, 12:01 am
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips

Altoid701
July 23, 2009, 8:46 pm
Hahahahaha.

jenandbrent
January 28, 2013, 3:44 pm
I guess I need to try kickboxing.

bazinga
October 23, 2013, 2:27 pm
LOL I love it

dddeedee
August 18, 2015, 5:35 am
Revenge of the kick boxing robot!

judy100
August 7, 2018, 10:14 am
Now it's discus throwing, it was fun kicking IBM mainframes

blueladyblue
August 27, 2019, 3:58 pm
Yeah, I could get down with throwing my computer across the room.

Phil Srobeighn
November 21, 2019, 3:23 pm
maradnu is right, this should be corrected and attributed to Emo Philips. Also, "My ex-wife had weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know how much she charged him."

[LLapp]

"The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass - it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself." — Henry Miller

Eureka
January 31, 2019, 5:41 pm
Quit stalling. Just mow the lawn, Henry.

[LLapp]

Dark poetry from darkyr

"Nobody ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have while trying to write one." — Robert Byrne

darkyr
May 8, 2018, 10:47 am
Here lies the next great author. With themes and plots he would not bother. He drew his pen in one bold stroke, His blood like ink, the page will soak.

[kahvecowgirl]

Hopefully there aren't any easily offended people of British persuasion out there. I don't have a great sense of how offensive one particular word in this is, but it was too funny to pass up.

"An honest man is the best thing on the sod; but a mother and her babe is the noblest work of God. "
— Unattributed

nevadasmith68
November 7, 2013, 6:43 am
That's true.
LLapp
June 5, 2015, 4:49 pm
Nothing like an honest man on the sod.
rooby2s
December 11, 2015, 2:45 pm
True, but, once 9n a while, it would be nice to have a quote with which today's working class person could identify. Not so stilted.
kb83
August 7, 2017, 9:08 am
An honest sod is the best thing in creation. But a bloke and his babe make the next generation.

[oddcouple]

This one took a little while to get going, but it was worth the wait.

"One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses."
— Dale Carnegie

PianoManGidley
January 3, 2011, 11:31 am
What about peacocks?
WRQ9
February 26, 2013, 10:03 am
He clearly hadn't spent much time with either.
Barnabas
June 11, 2014, 11:04 am
He's not watching the same nature shows I am. Birds will display feathers, colors, dance, etc. to win the affections of a mate. Some will even tidy up their nest.
oddcouple
April 3, 2016, 12:20 pm
I've seen both birds and horses show off to impress.
montyb
November 18, 2016, 6:02 am
I don't think horses are very impressed by peacocks.
SippyGurl
December 24, 2016, 8:16 am
and the mating could be fatal to the peacock
LLapp
November 16, 2017, 7:16 pm
I draw the line at tidying up the nest.

[oddcouple]

"It is a perversely human perception that animals in their native habitat are running wild."
— Robert Brault
kb83
October 16, 2014, 4:17 am
They just do it when we look in on them. Cows actually walk upright when we are not around.
marnita
April 12, 2015, 8:26 am
What would be the native habitat of a cow?
mikehallbackhoe
December 27, 2016, 8:30 pm
frolicking in wild oats
figmo
March 12, 2017, 8:09 am
They wouldn't moooove much.
letfreedomring
May 6, 2017, 11:46 pm
Ugh.
skeeter
February 25, 2018, 10:47 am
What is the native habitat of a cow? Well, the really talented ones are out standing in their field.
pickleball
June 19, 2019, 10:38 pm
kb83 ha ha ha ha ha
abra
November 25, 2019, 10:26 pm
Clever, skeeter.

[LLapp]

"I have long known that it is part of God's plan for me to spend a little time with each of the most stupid people on earth." — Bill Bryson

montyb
April 6, 2012, 8:51 pm
I never met the guy.

puzzleme
May 13, 2013, 5:29 am
Mr. Bryson ain't dead yet, monty. There's still time.

SippyGirl
September 9, 2013, 6:19 am
sounds more like life than a plan. c'mon, no matter how dumb we may be we all manage to spend time with idiots

Bethmarywhite
March 14, 2017, 6:01 am
Does he have a mirror?

abra
July 29, 2017, 10:10 am
Humor he writes humor.

imsoeasy
November 4, 2018, 8:11 am
I am scheduled to meet Bill next Thursday. Am I missing something?

[opallady]

"It is easier to make a saint out of a libertine than out of a prig. "
— George Santayana

Barnabas
May 19, 2014, 12:29 pm
Isn't a prig usually more interested in sculpting you into the form of a saint more so than worrying about his/her own saintliness (which they most likely assume to be not in doubt)?
dovid1946
February 20, 2015, 3:53 am
a great title for a book- 'The Libertine and the Prig'
LLapp
April 10, 2015, 7:23 pm
"Prig" is such a great word.
dovid1946
April 15, 2015, 9:35 am
did you hear about the priggish fellow who secretly liked to dress up like a woman. he finished with his accessories- yes, putting lipstick on a prig.
SippyGurl
January 24, 2016, 11:35 am
prigs in spaaaaaaace
cryptospiridiagram
April 22, 2016, 7:48 am
I'd need to see the methodology of that study.
abra
October 18, 2016, 6:33 pm
When prigs fly.
BriddlesBob
December 20, 2016, 8:01 pm
Most prigs hog the show as the act like a ham
skeeter
November 6, 2017, 7:45 am
And on cold nights, they are prigs in blankets.

[LLapp]

"Even God doesn't plan to judge a man till the end of his days, why should you and I?" — Unattributed

andyd
April 28, 2019, 11:16 pm
I can tell if people are judgmental, just by looking at them.

[LLapp]

"Come live with me, and be my love, And we will some new pleasures prove Of golden sands, and crystal brooks, With silken lines, and silver hooks." — John Donne

wvwoman
July 24, 2012, 12:19 pm
oh, he was the sweet talker!

chopstix
December 21, 2012, 3:34 am
I hope he only used this poem once.

maradnu
September 11, 2013, 8:43 am

The Passionate Shepherd to His Love

by Christopher Marlowe 1599

Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove
That valleys, groves, hills, and fields
Woods or steepy mountain yields

And we will sit upon the rocks,
Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks
By shallow rivers to whose falls
Melodious birds sing madrigals.

And I will make thee beds of roses
And a thousand fragrant posies,
A cap of flower, and a kirtle
Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle;

A gown made of the finest wool
Which from our pretty lambs we pull;
Fair lined slippers for the cold
With buckles of the purest gold;

A belt of straw and ivy buds,
With coral clasps and amber studs;
And if these pleasures may thee move,
Come live with me and be my love.

The shepherds' swains shall dance and sing
For thy delight each May morning:
If these delights thy mind may move,
Then live with me and be my love.

The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd

by Sir Walter Raleigh 1600

If all the world and love were young,
And truth in every shepherd's tongue,
These pretty pleasures might me move
To live with thee and be thy love.

Time drives the flocks from field to fold,
When rivers rage and rocks grow cold;
And Philomel becometh dumb;
The rest complain of cares to come.

The flowers do fade, and wanton fields
To wayward winter reckoning yields;
A honey tongue, a heart of gall,
Is fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall.

Thy gowns, thy shoes, thy bed of roses,
Thy cap, thy kirtle, and thy posies,
Soon break, soon wither, soon forgotten,
In folly ripe, in reason rotten.

Thy belt of straw and ivy buds,
Thy coral clasps and amber studs,
All these in me no means can move
To come to thee and be thy love.

But could youth last and love still breed,
Had joys no date nor age no need,
Then these delights my mind might move
To live with thee and be thy love.

montyb
September 12, 2014, 2:42 pm
Seems like a roundabout way of asking a girl to go fishing.

abra
June 26, 2017, 6:43 pm
I don't care how fancy the hooks and lines are, if I have to catch fish for your dinner every night, no thanks.

mmfs83
August 18, 2017, 9:18 am
It sounds kind of kinky to me. I think I'd say "no thank you".

[LLapp]

"The gods, likening themselves to all kinds of strangers, go in various disguises from city to city, observing the wrongdoing and the righteousness of men." — Homer

montyb
July 24, 2014, 3:10 am
Just like the NSA.

dovid1946
December 11, 2014, 6:01 am
but unlike the NSA, the gods copulate with mortals

montyb
February 6, 2015, 1:41 pm
And the NSA doesn't???

marnita
September 7, 2015, 4:58 pm
The Secret Service certainly does.

abra
November 22, 2015, 4:08 pm
Interesting thoughts.

kb83
February 22, 2017, 10:57 am
Only on this site, could NSA be equated with the gods. I feel truly blessed.

[Eureka]

Never a good idea, but even more so during our current crisis. Nuh UH, indeed!

"Open your mouth and shut your eyes and see what Zeus will send you."
— Aristophanes

rose5
January 25, 2019, 5:29 am
The first cryptogram I have solved which mentions Zeus.

abra
February 7, 2019, 1:46 pm
Open you mouth and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise. Straight from Aristophanes to my childhood.

Disturbed1
August 27, 2019, 12:51 pm
I had no idea that Aristophanes was such a prankster.

LLapp
November 19, 2019, 10:53 pm
From somewhere deep inside me, my childhood voice said "Nuh UH!"

[montyb]

"It may be a cold, clammy thing to say, but those that treat friendship the same as any other selfishness seem to get the most out of it. "
— Edgar Watson Howe

nevadasmith68
September 24, 2013, 3:49 pm
How did this guy ever invent the sewing machine?

Hash
February 12, 2015, 7:26 am
Elias Howe is not the same person as is Edgar Howe.

LLapp
October 2, 2016, 5:46 pm
That's correct. Edgar Howe was the founder of the Cold Clams franchise at Redondo Beach.

Roxanne
March 12, 2017, 5:40 am
Elias Howe invented the machine that sews two halves of a clamshell together, which was much appreciated by all who do not like sandy fried clams. When he was praised for his invention, he merely said "shucks."

[oddcouple]

"The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums."
— Gilbert Chesterton


maradnu
April 14, 2009, 12:56 am
They have not gotten me yet.
banzaisequoia
December 31, 2009, 11:39 pm
They're coming to take me away! Ha! Ha!
matarisa
July 19, 2011, 3:22 pm
I'm biting my tongue.
kb77
September 12, 2011, 2:19 am
theyll never take me alive!!!
montyb
July 31, 2012, 2:16 am
I'm going back to my room now, Nurse Ratched.
wvwoman
September 5, 2012, 1:37 am
...to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time...
harmiger
June 26, 2013, 2:13 pm
But only the men, we women are free to do as we believe.
universalmom
April 22, 2014, 6:46 am
He's just being pouty...look at his expression
kb83
September 12, 2014, 8:12 am
He has the most entries in the book of "Senior Moments".
puzzleme
May 12, 2015, 7:06 am
This photo makes him appear to be speaking from experience.
LLapp
June 16, 2017, 2:17 pm
...and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats...
maradnu
October 15, 2018, 5:23 am
Self deprecating humor can lead them astray.

[oddcouple]

"I have become rather like King Midas, except that everything turns not into gold but into a circus."
— Albert Einstein


puzzleme
October 20, 2013, 10:51 am
I can relate to that.
dovid1946
May 26, 2015, 4:46 am
it's all relative
LLapp
March 17, 2016, 6:40 pm
Sad.
BriddlesBob
April 28, 2016, 8:38 pm
Albert use to attend all kinds of family reunions, claiming he was a relative.
emtonsti
March 24, 2017, 10:28 am

Marboy
March 25, 2017, 4:27 pm
You energy, unless you travel faster than the speed of ight - then you matter! (I may have this the wrong way round but I like it anyway!
maradnu
July 14, 2017, 3:20 pm
I'm still a couple clowns short of a circus.
lainecap
August 12, 2017, 3:27 pm
Did you hear about the magician walking down the street who turned into a drugstore.
DrCryptell
January 17, 2018, 7:32 pm
and when he opens a door it becomes ajar
BriddlesBob
April 17, 2018, 2:17 am
no, but I heard about the magician traveling down the street with a young lady and turned her into a motel
DonnaIrene
September 18, 2018, 2:44 am
He's complaining about the fact that when he went anywhere, people recognized him and things turned into a circus. But his friend Robert Berks said, "But deep down, if he really hadn’t wanted any publicity, he would have gotten his hair cut and worn ordinary suits."