"Isn't it funny how we'll look out the window at the moon, and then we notice it's not the moon but a streetlight?" — Jack Handey
Prezkot
July 18, 2014, 4:54 am
What is it you want, Mary? What do you want? You want the streetlight? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey. That's a pretty good idea. I'll give you the streetlight, Mary.
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imsoeasy proves monty's point....
"The biggest room in the world is the room for improvement." — Unattributed
Lurker
May 5, 2010, 1:57 pm
Why is there a comma?
montyb
August 12, 2013, 12:51 am
To leave some room for improvement.
marnita
June 2, 2014, 9:22 am
My favorite part of doing cryptograms is Monty's comments.
LLapp
March 1, 2015, 11:15 am
ERROR: Please delete the comma!
universalmom
March 25, 2015, 8:20 am
Hahaha monty
montyb
October 13, 2017, 1:38 pm
Don't remove the comma! That would ruin my joke!
tgreen517
September 7, 2018, 8:33 pm
The comma is gone, but the joke is still funny!
imsoeasy
July 7, 2019, 10:13 pm
What joke?
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Sometimes a rhetorical question demands an answer.Enter Redforce.
"The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death."
— Oscar Wilde
LLapp
November 17, 2016, 5:40 pm
How do you know which mystery is bigger? How do you measure a mystery?
Redforce
December 6, 2018, 6:14 am
Well, LLapp, the Imperial British unit is the Holmes. 1 Holmes = 2.25 minor clues. It takes an average of 2 KiloHolmes to solve a major mystery. The Belgian unit is the Poirot, which is roughly 1H = 1.62P. Comparatively, the American measurement unit the Columbo is 1H = 1.98C. Clouseaus were briefly used by the French, but fell out of favor since calculations tend to be full of mistakes.
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"The whole problem is to establish communication with one's self." — E. B. White
maradnu
November 25, 2009, 12:07 am
Hey! Are you in there? I wanna talk.
bansaisequoia
December 16, 2009, 3:33 am
Brought to you by the world wide web: (link)
montyb
April 7, 2014, 12:22 pm
All I ever get is a busy signal.
montyb
July 7, 2014, 4:08 pm
And the roaming charges....
LLapp
June 9, 2016, 9:00 pm
My self called me "some pig." Not sure if that's a compliment or what.
Spellbinder44
October 18, 2016, 2:45 pm
Solved the crypto and tapped "Reset" button instead of "Check it" button. Communicated expletive laden message to oneself , succesfully.
maradnu
October 14, 2017, 5:08 am
I tried calling repeatedly. My self blocked my number, won't call back or answer texts or emails.
badbob
October 30, 2018, 7:38 pm
self and i aren't speaking right now
badbob
October 6, 2019, 8:12 pm
OK we are talking but i finally realize what a loser he is.
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"Do not wish to be anything but what you are, and try to be that perfectly."
— Saint Francis de Sales
kjmcaj
April 8, 2013, 8:13 pm
163 seconds
Barnabas
March 31, 2014, 5:48 pm
Unless, of course, you're a serial killer.
montyb
November 6, 2016, 2:05 pm
I can kill a box of cereal in 4 days.
LLapp
January 7, 2017, 5:10 pm
It worked for Popeye: (link)
tavi5280
February 7, 2017, 6:33 am
I don't see why I couldn't do it "fervently" ( except the "N" on 2 different letters - but hey, nobody's perfect
pj48
November 6, 2017, 5:58 am
I can kill a bottle of Malbec in 2, monty.
writeon
February 23, 2018, 3:03 am
You could be perfect with not wishing to be anything.
abra
June 18, 2018, 10:05 am
Gotcha, St Francis, I've got this one covered. I am me to a Tee.
oddcouple
June 22, 2018, 11:04 pm
Or like the sweet potato said to the stuffing "I yam what I yam".
BriddlesBob
December 13, 2018, 6:23 am
"But that's not very a-pealing," Mr. Potato.
pickleball
August 6, 2019, 7:02 pm
i yam what i yam
jbb33054
September 6, 2019, 12:41 pm
59
jbb33054
September 22, 2019, 6:50 pm
61
momof7
October 23, 2019, 4:08 pm
So far, I've done it better than anyone else.
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NotTooOld speaks for us all....
"We often want one thing and pray for another, not telling the truth even to the gods." — Seneca
NotTooOld
April 10, 2019, 10:11 am
I pray to lose weight but I really want to eat more mashed potatoes.
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"It takes little talent to see what lies under one's nose, a good deal to know in what direction to point that organ." — Wystan Hugh Auden
PianoManGidley
February 17, 2011, 11:54 am
Shouldn't it be "...AND a good deal..."?
montyb
July 8, 2013, 3:00 pm
The syntax is typically British.
LLapp
February 5, 2015, 9:26 am
The construction is a quasi-poetic device that's used frequently in written English. Plus, Auden was a poet, so he has a license.
maradnu
October 14, 2016, 3:19 pm
I heard his license was revoked for drunken rhyming.
badbob
June 26, 2017, 6:14 am
step out of the car Mr Auden and put your nose on the roof
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What happens when you offer a website full of introverts a hug . . .
"A hug is a great gift - one size fits all, and it's easy to exchange." — Unattributed
saipanwriter
July 31, 2012, 3:18 am
Gag me. Greeting card blather. Ick.
montyb
July 2, 2013, 1:15 am
Try it with "hog" instead of "hug".
jnoodles
August 7, 2013, 3:18 pm
Who would exchange a hog? And for what? A marmot?
universalmom
April 28, 2014, 2:07 pm
well, for some bacon and pork chops obviously!
cryptospiridiagram
March 5, 2016, 7:47 am
For another hog. You just go down to HogCon and show him off.
marnita
April 7, 2016, 7:51 am
How does one size of a hug fit all sizes of people?
Nautilus
June 9, 2017, 1:24 am
A hag is a great gift, too. Not so easy to exchange though.
mmfs83
November 26, 2017, 4:16 am
I almost went with rug. I guess I should think about vacuuming. But I'm not doing that until all the holiday decorating is done. In the meantime, I'll do cryptograms.
Persephone59
January 8, 2018, 6:54 pm
I love that phrase, "I should think about...". That means it hasn't gotten anywhere NEAR the to do list yet!
marnita
June 9, 2018, 12:40 pm
What good does it do to think about vacuuming? If I thought about it, I would never do it.
NotTooOld
November 18, 2018, 6:21 am
Thinking about vacuuming is a great way to get cryptograms done.
Eureka
March 22, 2019, 12:46 pm
Vacuuming is the great "double u" word!
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Maybe it's late and I'm punchy, but I laughed pretty hard at this....
"Life lived amidst tension and busyness needs leisure. Leisure that recreates and renews. Leisure should be a time to think new thoughts, not ponder old ills." — C. Neil Strait
kat
April 4, 2009, 6:02 pm
busyness!!! That messed me up!
saipanwriter
June 17, 2009, 5:16 am
Busyness?!!
bansaisequoia
June 20, 2009, 1:49 am
This quote has definitely interfered with my pursuit of happyness.
kat
July 10, 2009, 4:16 pm
It did it again! Crap!!!!
kat
February 3, 2010, 4:17 pm
I remembered the 'y' this time, but it still took me 43 seconds. Crap!
kat
February 21, 2010, 7:26 pm
And 64 seconds this time! Crap I say!
bansaisequoia
August 11, 2011, 3:29 pm
23 FTW!
abra
May 2, 2012, 10:05 pm
BUSYNESS! phew, finally got it.
abra
July 18, 2013, 1:03 am
I can't believe that I was here before, and I didn't remember "busyness". AARGH
SippyGirl
August 4, 2013, 3:21 pm
had to google the curiosity away - see where i was going wrong... busyness. 262 seconds
puzzleme
September 24, 2013, 8:13 pm
In future, I must make it my business to remembeer busyness!
Allen
January 9, 2014, 8:30 am
I'm too busi to worry about it.
beerfan95
April 3, 2014, 1:25 pm
Did anyone else have trouble with busyness?
wvwoman
April 10, 2014, 4:42 pm
gee, no, beerfan95--did you?
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That time when things got "silly-us".
"There are more things, Lucilius, that frighten us than injure us, and we suffer more in imagination than in reality."
— Seneca
Altoid701
June 16, 2012, 10:11 pm
lubilius/lupilius/licilius ARGH
chopstix
April 26, 2013, 4:44 am
me too altoid
bazinga
September 29, 2013, 2:41 pm
Lucilious is difficult to come up with when all you can think of is Horatio.....
universalmom
June 17, 2014, 9:48 am
"Little Lucius"
figmo
July 7, 2014, 12:58 pm
Didn't they have a TV show called "I Love Lucilius?"
dovid1946
May 22, 2015, 2:42 am
yes, it was on the same network that the Romans tuned in to see the Caesars- Julius, Octavius, and Sid
SippyGurl
October 20, 2016, 9:56 am
lucilius im home
LLapp
April 6, 2017, 7:02 am
Seneca's got some 'splaining to do.
seastar228
September 3, 2017, 3:10 pm
Ricky's out. Seneca's in.
tclcac
November 9, 2018, 5:47 pm
We are a nation full of anxiety sufferers! Think how bad it would be if we had people running around with the names of "Lucilius" and "Annaeus" - please forgive me if that is your name! :-)
abra
January 16, 2019, 10:31 am
Lucilius took me three tries.
Icky
June 16, 2019, 10:40 pm
Happily I though of Locutus of Borg and got it on my second try.
killdozer
August 17, 2019, 10:08 pm
You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucilius.
Elephino
October 10, 2019, 11:36 am
Was he talking to himself?
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That time Miss Piggy got us all discussing artichokes, among other things....
"After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual "food" out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking thirty or forty postage stamps."
— Miss Piggy
wvwoman
October 21, 2013, 5:08 pm
ha ha--well said, miss piggy!
locodad
November 4, 2013, 5:20 pm
I heard that kermit is suing you mr. baron because you haven't put any of his quotes.
chopstix
February 2, 2014, 5:18 pm
"It's not easy being green." - Kermit the Frog p.s., who cares about the artichoke? It's just there to hold all the butter and mayonnaise!
cindidido
March 29, 2014, 1:23 pm
Chopstix understands artichokes!
LLapp
September 6, 2014, 12:27 pm
"What? No Wikipiggia profile for moi?" (link)
marnita
April 12, 2015, 4:13 pm
I love artichokes! And I eat them without butter or mayonnaise.
kb83
July 4, 2015, 5:14 am
I love artichokes too, but they are an aioli or butter delivery device as well.
marnita
October 3, 2016, 6:32 am
Artichoke dip - yum!
darkyr
February 24, 2017, 10:22 am
Mmmmm. Postage stamps. Now I'm hungry.
RustySkipper
June 24, 2017, 2:42 pm
My stamp collection album is right next to my artichoke collection album.
marnita
September 6, 2017, 7:06 am
But now you don't have to lick the stamps. No food value at all. And I would certainly rather have an artichoke dip than a postage stamp dip.
Persephone59
December 26, 2017, 6:22 am
I wholeheartedly agree with Miss Piggy. Artichokes are a waste of time.
blueladyblue
January 23, 2018, 11:23 am
Miss Piggy is sow very wise.
badbob
March 8, 2018, 9:50 am
spinach artichoke dip with pita or lavash bread
abra
October 30, 2018, 6:56 pm
I've never had one, but if I did, I'd probably do butter but no mayo.
SippyGurl
February 19, 2019, 5:02 am
mmm... artichoke balls
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Cheers, bansai!
"Make your life a mission - not an intermission."
— Arnold Glasgow
bansaisequoia
July 30, 2012, 7:21 pm
Let's all go to the lobby to get some 7-Up.
locodad
April 1, 2013, 2:10 am
I don't think they sell 7-UP in the theater, Maybe they should,because the sodas would be much less expensive
JD_1947
December 4, 2014, 2:21 am
. . I made my life a 'million' so sodas and popcorn are on me . . . ..
abra
April 18, 2015, 10:47 am
My life was a million, too. Or maybe an intermillion.
oddcouple
May 12, 2016, 11:12 pm
I think that I'll take JD up on that.
Persephone59
July 1, 2017, 12:32 pm
I always take treats into the theater in my purse. Shhh. Then there was the time, decades ago, when we snuck a pint of peppermint schnapps into Masters of the Universe. Made for a pleasant summer afternoon. Good breath, also.
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Hilarious contents for a hilarious movie
"There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?"
— Elaine Dickinson
greenacres
March 13, 2011, 6:16 pm
Perhaps the funniest movie ever.
pootie49
May 24, 2011, 5:30 pm
thats a roger roger.
cknapp329
June 21, 2011, 1:12 pm
Don't call me Shirley
montyb
June 7, 2012, 1:13 am
Looks like I picked the wrong day to give up Cryptograms.
kjmcaj
July 27, 2013, 4:06 am
48 seconds.
Barnabas
August 1, 2013, 3:46 pm
Julie Haggarty and Leslie Nielsen played their parts to perfection.
LLapp
September 29, 2014, 10:42 am
"Hello, we'd like you to have this flower from the church of religious consciousness." - Gregory Itzin, a.k.a. President Logan on 24.
killdozer
November 20, 2015, 6:14 pm
"Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.".
LLapp
March 9, 2016, 8:14 pm
Here is a set of clips from "Zero Hour," the 1957 film that "Airplane!" was based on. The verbatim matches are amazing. (Sorry I could not find any clips outside of Facebook.) (link)
Ian123
September 20, 2016, 9:31 pm
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!
SippyGurl
July 23, 2017, 5:34 pm
lol her scene with otto
fishbum
November 27, 2017, 11:04 am
yes Sippygurl. The biggest laugh I ever had.
didit
September 8, 2019, 7:03 pm
LLapp, thank you for sharing that clip.
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"It is more honorable to be raised to a throne than to be born to one. Fortune bestows the one, merit obtains the other." — Petrarch
montyb
November 19, 2013, 9:40 am
Just how honorable is it to dress as an asparagus spear?
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"Painting is an attempt to come to terms with life. There are as many solutions as there are human beings."
— George Tooker
montyb
March 9, 2012, 10:16 pm
And counting....
montyb
June 6, 2013, 1:32 am
Remember, if you are not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
jnoodles
July 8, 2013, 11:28 am
I precipitated you might say that.
joma1944
February 4, 2014, 10:13 am
we're getting precipitation as I write.
QuexUl
March 1, 2016, 3:20 am
I find this quote to be overly precipitate.
abra
April 25, 2017, 10:20 am
I used to work at a place that had a precipritator. I'm confused, because we didn't do any painting. They did have people come in and paint the walls, maybe that was it.
DrCryptell
May 17, 2018, 10:39 pm
I once painted a door on a brick wall and then opened it and walked through to the other side, proving his truth.
pickleball
May 21, 2019, 10:36 am
and what was on the other side?
Persephone59
May 22, 2019, 12:13 pm
DrCryptell has been watching Daffy Duck cartoons. Remember the holes he would carry around and just put them wherever he needed to, like the side of a building? Or when the artist started erasing him? Those were favorites.
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