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  • Never a good idea, but even more so during our current crisis. Nuh UH, indeed!

    "Open your mouth and shut your eyes and see what Zeus will send you."
    — Aristophanes

    January 25, 2019, 5:29 am
    The first cryptogram I have solved which mentions Zeus.

    February 7, 2019, 1:46 pm
    Open you mouth and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise. Straight from Aristophanes to my childhood.

    August 27, 2019, 12:51 pm
    I had no idea that Aristophanes was such a prankster.

    November 19, 2019, 10:53 pm
    From somewhere deep inside me, my childhood voice said "Nuh UH!"


    • "The gods, likening themselves to all kinds of strangers, go in various disguises from city to city, observing the wrongdoing and the righteousness of men." — Homer

      July 24, 2014, 3:10 am
      Just like the NSA.

      December 11, 2014, 6:01 am
      but unlike the NSA, the gods copulate with mortals

      February 6, 2015, 1:41 pm
      And the NSA doesn't???

      September 7, 2015, 4:58 pm
      The Secret Service certainly does.

      November 22, 2015, 4:08 pm
      Interesting thoughts.

      February 22, 2017, 10:57 am
      Only on this site, could NSA be equated with the gods. I feel truly blessed.


      • "Come live with me, and be my love, And we will some new pleasures prove Of golden sands, and crystal brooks, With silken lines, and silver hooks." — John Donne

        July 24, 2012, 12:19 pm
        oh, he was the sweet talker!

        December 21, 2012, 3:34 am
        I hope he only used this poem once.

        September 11, 2013, 8:43 am
        The Passionate Shepherd to His Love
        by Christopher Marlowe 1599
        Come live with me and be my love,
        And we will all the pleasures prove
        That valleys, groves, hills, and fields
        Woods or steepy mountain yields

        And we will sit upon the rocks,
        Seeing the shepherds feed their flocks
        By shallow rivers to whose falls
        Melodious birds sing madrigals.

        And I will make thee beds of roses
        And a thousand fragrant posies,
        A cap of flower, and a kirtle
        Embroidered all with leaves of myrtle;

        A gown made of the finest wool
        Which from our pretty lambs we pull;
        Fair lined slippers for the cold
        With buckles of the purest gold;

        A belt of straw and ivy buds,
        With coral clasps and amber studs;
        And if these pleasures may thee move,
        Come live with me and be my love.

        The shepherds' swains shall dance and sing
        For thy delight each May morning:
        If these delights thy mind may move,
        Then live with me and be my love.

        The Nymph's Reply to the Shepherd
        by Sir Walter Raleigh 1600
        If all the world and love were young,
        And truth in every shepherd's tongue,
        These pretty pleasures might me move
        To live with thee and be thy love.

        Time drives the flocks from field to fold,
        When rivers rage and rocks grow cold;
        And Philomel becometh dumb;
        The rest complain of cares to come.

        The flowers do fade, and wanton fields
        To wayward winter reckoning yields;
        A honey tongue, a heart of gall,
        Is fancy's spring, but sorrow's fall.

        Thy gowns, thy shoes, thy bed of roses,
        Thy cap, thy kirtle, and thy posies,
        Soon break, soon wither, soon forgotten,
        In folly ripe, in reason rotten.

        Thy belt of straw and ivy buds,
        Thy coral clasps and amber studs,
        All these in me no means can move
        To come to thee and be thy love.

        But could youth last and love still breed,
        Had joys no date nor age no need,
        Then these delights my mind might move
        To live with thee and be thy love.

        September 12, 2014, 2:42 pm
        Seems like a roundabout way of asking a girl to go fishing.

        June 26, 2017, 6:43 pm
        I don't care how fancy the hooks and lines are, if I have to catch fish for your dinner every night, no thanks.

        August 18, 2017, 9:18 am
        It sounds kind of kinky to me. I think I'd say "no thank you".


        • "Even God doesn't plan to judge a man till the end of his days, why should you and I?" — Unattributed

          April 28, 2019, 11:16 pm
          I can tell if people are judgmental, just by looking at them.


          • "It is easier to make a saint out of a libertine than out of a prig. "
            — George Santayana

            May 19, 2014, 12:29 pm
            Isn't a prig usually more interested in sculpting you into the form of a saint more so than worrying about his/her own saintliness (which they most likely assume to be not in doubt)?
            February 20, 2015, 3:53 am
            a great title for a book- 'The Libertine and the Prig'
            April 10, 2015, 7:23 pm
            "Prig" is such a great word.
            April 15, 2015, 9:35 am
            did you hear about the priggish fellow who secretly liked to dress up like a woman. he finished with his accessories- yes, putting lipstick on a prig.
            January 24, 2016, 11:35 am
            prigs in spaaaaaaace
            April 22, 2016, 7:48 am
            I'd need to see the methodology of that study.
            October 18, 2016, 6:33 pm
            When prigs fly.
            December 20, 2016, 8:01 pm
            Most prigs hog the show as the act like a ham
            November 6, 2017, 7:45 am
            And on cold nights, they are prigs in blankets.


            • "I have long known that it is part of God's plan for me to spend a little time with each of the most stupid people on earth." — Bill Bryson

              April 6, 2012, 8:51 pm
              I never met the guy.

              May 13, 2013, 5:29 am
              Mr. Bryson ain't dead yet, monty. There's still time.

              September 9, 2013, 6:19 am
              sounds more like life than a plan. c'mon, no matter how dumb we may be we all manage to spend time with idiots

              March 14, 2017, 6:01 am
              Does he have a mirror?

              July 29, 2017, 10:10 am
              Humor he writes humor.

              November 4, 2018, 8:11 am
              I am scheduled to meet Bill next Thursday. Am I missing something?


              • "It is a perversely human perception that animals in their native habitat are running wild."
                — Robert Brault
                October 16, 2014, 4:17 am
                They just do it when we look in on them. Cows actually walk upright when we are not around.
                April 12, 2015, 8:26 am
                What would be the native habitat of a cow?
                December 27, 2016, 8:30 pm
                frolicking in wild oats
                March 12, 2017, 8:09 am
                They wouldn't moooove much.
                May 6, 2017, 11:46 pm
                February 25, 2018, 10:47 am
                What is the native habitat of a cow? Well, the really talented ones are out standing in their field.
                June 19, 2019, 10:38 pm
                kb83 ha ha ha ha ha
                November 25, 2019, 10:26 pm
                Clever, skeeter.


                • This one took a little while to get going, but it was worth the wait.

                  "One reason why birds and horses are not unhappy is because they are not trying to impress other birds and horses."
                  — Dale Carnegie

                  January 3, 2011, 11:31 am
                  What about peacocks?
                  February 26, 2013, 10:03 am
                  He clearly hadn't spent much time with either.
                  June 11, 2014, 11:04 am
                  He's not watching the same nature shows I am. Birds will display feathers, colors, dance, etc. to win the affections of a mate. Some will even tidy up their nest.
                  April 3, 2016, 12:20 pm
                  I've seen both birds and horses show off to impress.
                  November 18, 2016, 6:02 am
                  I don't think horses are very impressed by peacocks.
                  December 24, 2016, 8:16 am
                  and the mating could be fatal to the peacock
                  November 16, 2017, 7:16 pm
                  I draw the line at tidying up the nest.


                  • Hopefully there aren't any easily offended people of British persuasion out there. I don't have a great sense of how offensive one particular word in this is, but it was too funny to pass up.

                    "An honest man is the best thing on the sod; but a mother and her babe is the noblest work of God. "
                    — Unattributed

                    November 7, 2013, 6:43 am
                    That's true.
                    June 5, 2015, 4:49 pm
                    Nothing like an honest man on the sod.
                    December 11, 2015, 2:45 pm
                    True, but, once 9n a while, it would be nice to have a quote with which today's working class person could identify. Not so stilted.
                    August 7, 2017, 9:08 am
                    An honest sod is the best thing in creation. But a bloke and his babe make the next generation.


                    • Dark poetry from darkyr

                      "Nobody ever committed suicide while reading a good book, but many have while trying to write one." — Robert Byrne

                      May 8, 2018, 10:47 am
                      Here lies the next great author. With themes and plots he would not bother. He drew his pen in one bold stroke, His blood like ink, the page will soak.


                      • "The moment one gives close attention to any thing, even a blade of grass - it becomes a mysterious, awesome, indescribably magnificent world in itself." — Henry Miller

                        January 31, 2019, 5:41 pm
                        Quit stalling. Just mow the lawn, Henry.


                        • "If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing." — Anonymous

                          May 19, 2009, 12:01 am
                          A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. - Emo Philips

                          July 23, 2009, 8:46 pm

                          January 28, 2013, 3:44 pm
                          I guess I need to try kickboxing.

                          October 23, 2013, 2:27 pm
                          LOL I love it

                          August 18, 2015, 5:35 am
                          Revenge of the kick boxing robot!

                          August 7, 2018, 10:14 am
                          Now it's discus throwing, it was fun kicking IBM mainframes

                          August 27, 2019, 3:58 pm
                          Yeah, I could get down with throwing my computer across the room.

                          Phil Srobeighn
                          November 21, 2019, 3:23 pm
                          maradnu is right, this should be corrected and attributed to Emo Philips. Also, "My ex-wife had weekly lessons with the devil on how to be more evil. I don't know how much she charged him."


                          • "The only reason for being a professional writer is that you can't help it. "
                            — Leo Rosten

                            March 1, 2015, 3:48 pm
                            Same goes for pursuing theater, music, or visual arts as a profession.
                            September 9, 2015, 8:36 am
                            Why yes, of course I'll expound further: All my life, no matter what I've pursued, no matter what I changed my major to, no matter what I've been hired to do, people have always wound up giving me their writing to edit. I've written stuff that lots of people have read (mostly about investing) but my proudest moment in any paid job was the time I fixed what had been nonsensical wording in the storage instructions on the Advil bottle. I still stop in the store sometimes just to admire it. I can't not edit, so I may as well be paid for it.
                            November 14, 2015, 7:29 am
                            llapp, the advil bottle admiration story gave me a chuckle!
                            November 22, 2015, 6:25 pm
                            it gave me a head ache....
                            September 3, 2016, 12:52 pm
                            Take some Advil, Bob.
                            December 17, 2016, 1:58 pm
                            I need to write. I need to tell stories - even if no one else is really ever aware of them.
                            July 3, 2017, 1:21 pm
                            And be sure to follow the instructions on the bottle, Bob.
                            March 26, 2020, 4:50 pm


                            • "If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend."
                              — Doug Larson

                              October 2, 2011, 4:33 am
                              I love this one.
                              February 3, 2012, 9:59 am
                              If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be April 15th.
                              September 1, 2013, 8:15 am
                              I got this on labor day weekend 2013!!
                              November 12, 2014, 7:28 am
                              Remembering Dorothy Parker as best I can right now: 'if all the co-eds at the Yale-Harvard game were laid end-to-end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised.'
                              November 20, 2014, 10:42 am
                              That IS one of Dorothy Parker's snarkiest and funniest quotes.
                              February 16, 2018, 3:11 pm
                              If all the economists in the world were laid end-to-end, they still couldn't reach a conclusion.
                              March 6, 2018, 12:01 pm
                              At first I had bars.
                              July 7, 2018, 11:17 am
                              42 sec
                              December 7, 2019, 10:25 pm
                              If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. Dorothy Parker
                              March 18, 2020, 1:53 am
                              If all the cars in the United States were laid end to end where the HELL would they be parked? On the equator?


                              • Nice to finally learn who is behind SippyGurl...

                                "He that does not ask will never get a bargain."
                                — French Proverb

                                August 9, 2010, 11:10 am
                                He who does not ask will never get a bargain

                                .... comments removed for brevity....

                                October 2, 2017, 6:56 pm
                                mom said she wanted to name me leilani but dad picked instead

                                November 1, 2017, 6:53 pm
                                Well I think Instead is a lovely name.