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  • "When I look back now over my life and call to mind what I might have had simply and did not take, my heart is like to break." — Akhenaton

    July 23, 2013, 4:34 pm
    When I did this one, the letters representing the word "look" were "beer". While that made it easier to decide that the double letter should be O, it was very distracting!

    September 3, 2014, 5:23 am
    Its more like what you could have said not taken

    April 25, 2015, 7:17 am
    The beer not taken?

    August 15, 2016, 12:12 am
    it is obvious that he was looking for beer

    April 6, 2019, 3:54 pm
    So true montyb. May it please the court:
    Two beers presented on a bar of wood
    And sorry I could not drink both
    And be one drinker, long I stood
    And pondered the first as well I could
    Of the select ingredients of which it quoth.

    Then looked the other, just as cold,
    And having perhaps the better claim,
    Because it was frothy, rich and bold;
    Though as the ABV foretold,
    They were really about the same,

    And both that evening equally
    dear In bottles frosted and dark.
    Oh, I kept the first as a second beer!
    As knowing how beer leads on to beer,
    I wandered out into the park.

    I shall be telling this with sigh
    Somewhere days and days hence:
    Two beers presented on a bar, and I —
    I took them both to keep me high,
    And, may it please the court, that is why I peed the fence.


    • To accompany the previous post, here's the original that darkyr tracked line by line.

      The Road Not Taken
      by Robert Frost (1916)

      Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
      And sorry I could not travel both
      And be one traveler, long I stood
      And looked down one as far as I could
      To where it bent in the undergrowth;

      Then took the other, as just as fair,
      And having perhaps the better claim,
      Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
      Though as for that the passing there
      Had worn them really about the same,

      And both that morning equally lay
      In leaves, no step had trodden black.
      Oh, I kept the first for another day!
      Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
      I doubted if I should ever come back.

      I shall be telling this with a sigh
      Somewhere ages and ages hence:
      Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
      I took the one less traveled by,
      And that has made all the difference.


      • "A day without newspapers is like walking around without your pants on."
        — Jerry Coleman

        Comments on this Puzzle:

        March 27, 2012, 9:45 am
        I think newspapers will be completely digital before they stop producing pants.
        March 14, 2014, 2:20 am
        that's just weird
        May 17, 2016, 3:57 pm
        Ahhhhh, freedom.
        August 31, 2016, 9:18 am
        This is especially true for those of us whose pants are made out of newspaper.
        November 23, 2016, 3:41 pm
        spacecoyote is funny. almost made me pee my newspaper.
        July 18, 2017, 11:33 pm
        My pants are digital...or at least binary.
        June 12, 2018, 11:21 am
        So that's why so many naked people run out on the lawn to get their paper.
        February 21, 2019, 3:45 pm
        Spacecoyote1966, that's a great cost-saving measure. But I will never switch to digital pants. Nope, not for me.
        June 29, 2019, 4:20 pm
        I never thought I'd get used to my digital NYT, but I really like it now. Taking a lot longer time to get used to my digital pants.


        • I'm not sure that Andy451 gets nearly enough love in this forum and here is a perfect demonstration of why he deserves it:

          "Since periods of change such as the present one come so rarely in human history, it is up to each of us to make the best use of our time to help create a happier world."
          — Dalai Lama

          October 17, 2015, 1:50 pm
          I went to high school with the guy, and not many people know, but the Dalai Lama is a huge Mets fan. He has a busy schedule, and he doesn't get out to as many games as he used to. Here you can see him at the airport, watching the fifth game of the Mets vs Dodgers championship series. You don't make a great deal of money as a Lama. But being god has its perks sometimes. Now this particular lama is no Yogi Berra, but if I was to ask you, "Who won the fifth game of the Mets vs Dodgers championship series?", could you guess who won? Do you think Pope Francis Sinatra could pull that of? Match these guys playing checkers, doing a hula hoop marathon, telling dirty jokes, playing ping pong, cheating on their taxes, levitating, astral projection, throwing Swiss cheese at a Swiss guard, and then whacking them with a halberd for charity, and I'm telling you the Dalai Lama will win four out of five of these contests every time. He's also a better middle infielder, and I once saw him play Innagoddadavida by Iron Butterfly on the ukelele. This guy rocks!
          June 2, 2016, 11:36 am
          Great insight. Thanks Andy.
          September 12, 2017, 10:25 am
          Hello, Dalai.
          January 5, 2019, 12:54 pm
          You have a very active imagination, Andy.
          April 19, 2019, 10:20 pm
          But what about prom Andy? Who did you take? Who did the Dali Lama take? Did someone's dad spring for a limo?
          June 13, 2019, 2:56 am
          What Eureka said.

          Side note, sad one ... last night, while playing cryptos, a different Andy451 got some flak from other users, followed by a comment from MamaB, which noted that Andy has passed away and that players here should give him a break. (I didn't know that Andy died and was sorry to hear it.)


          • "We lost because we told ourselves we lost. "
            — Leo Tolstoy

            April 20, 2010, 4:45 pm
            Doesn't this sound more like something a basketball coach would say?

            July 26, 2012, 12:53 pm
            I'm not certain. As Fyodor Dostoyevsky once said, "Just wait 'til next year."

            August 2, 2012, 8:20 pm
            But as Chekhov always said, "it ain't over til its over".

            May 13, 2013, 9:59 am
            Surely our opponents couldn't have won on their own account. God is, after all, on our side.

            July 12, 2013, 5:30 am
            Or, as Yogi Berra said, "If you were to destroy the belief in immortality in mankind, not only love but every living force on which the continuation of all life in the world depended, would dry up at once."

            June 17, 2015, 1:28 pm
            That Yogi always cracks me up with his malapropisms.

            February 3, 2018, 3:54 pm
            On the eve of Super Bowl LII, Solzhenitsyn brought up deflategate....

            July 30, 2018, 8:24 am
            Great comments, especially bansai.


            • "He that hath a trade hath an estate; he that hath a calling hath an office of profit and honor." — Benjamin Franklin

              August 9, 2015, 7:19 pm
              I didn't know he had such a terrible lisp.


              • "Humanity is the rich effluvium, it is the waste and the manure and the soil, and from it grows the tree of the arts. "
                — Ezra Pound

                June 27, 2014, 7:37 am
                its against the law to have words like effluvium in the dictionary or at least in a crypto because it mess it up your time
                March 25, 2015, 1:05 pm
                Please don't get up, I'm only effluving through . . .
                July 27, 2015, 6:33 pm
                For some reason, I knew efffluvium.
                June 28, 2016, 3:09 pm
                He is full of effluvium
                October 16, 2016, 3:02 am
                Fill in the other things first. But do NOT let this create a picture in your mind!
                October 18, 2016, 12:42 pm
                Meet the right people, and it is natural to associate 'humanity' with 'effluvium'
                January 19, 2017, 3:17 pm
                My fastest time ever! 84 seconds
                March 4, 2017, 12:21 am
                Well, that stinks!
                August 16, 2017, 7:41 am
                Well done, museoffire.
                November 20, 2017, 1:58 pm
                Really slow, but here I am.
                July 30, 2018, 3:08 am
                I had to try all the remaining letters to get effluvium. We used to live in a village that considered themselves affluent. We old-timers called it effluent because of the failing septic systems.
                February 6, 2019, 3:47 am
                And we are each pieces of this?
                November 19, 2019, 7:26 pm
                What an arrogant way to say we're all full of s**t.
                January 25, 2020, 9:30 pm
                I am NOT effluvium.


                • "It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume inside and the kid could put it on and really scare you."
                  — Jack Handey

                  April 23, 2009, 12:34 am
                  I suggest we let him open all the containers with skull & crossbones on them.

                  August 28, 2009, 12:15 am
                  good plan

                  April 4, 2011, 10:49 pm
                  I hate it when that happens.

                  December 15, 2012, 4:21 pm
                  What is it about Jack Handey that evokes so much irritation? I think it's because he seems to think he's being irreverent, when really he's just inane.

                  May 16, 2013, 11:29 am
                  2 in a row from him.

                  December 6, 2013, 6:51 am
                  I have to admit, he is off a lot more than on. Not a bad idea, just a clumsy approach.

                  September 4, 2016, 3:09 pm
                  He is stupid and cruel without being particularly funny.

                  May 14, 2017, 6:35 am
                  It just isn't funny. I utter a groan as I solve his quotes. I know it's him without looking.

                  April 11, 2018, 8:38 am
                  38 seconds

                  September 2, 2018, 1:14 am
                  It's more likely he'd drink its contents and scare the ETs taking him to the hospital.

                  November 28, 2018, 4:12 am
                  Oh, Jack!

                  September 5, 2019, 2:05 am
                  Completed without knowing author. Had a 'that's dumb" reaction to it. Typical Handey. He might occassionally hit the mark, but you've got to have a bent sense of humor to like this guy's typical tripe.


                  • "The voice of the majority is no proof of justice. "
                    — Johann Friedrich von Schiller

                    January 14, 2016, 6:16 am
                    hence, true democracy never works. i.e. 2 Wolves and a sheep democratically deciding what's for dinner

                    April 23, 2018, 6:38 am
                    I'd like to know what the two wolves and a sheep decide on for dinner the second night.

                    June 12, 2020, 12:40 pm
                    darkyr Left overs.


                    • "How can anyone govern a nation that has 246 different kinds of cheese?"
                      — Charles de Gaulle

                      June 27, 2009, 4:46 pm
                      And it would be easier if they only had 245?
                      August 22, 2010, 12:23 am
                      But of curds, there is no whey you can.
                      July 19, 2012, 7:31 pm
                      Well, 245, yes--any idiot could govern that. But 246? c'mon---we are only human.
                      December 2, 2015, 6:40 pm
                      Sweet dreams are made of cheese.
                      April 15, 2018, 6:55 pm
                      i a brie most havartily... dunno with what but wanted to make some cheese noises
                      December 15, 2018, 12:49 am
                      July 19, 2019, 10:10 am
                      I Camembert it any longer


                      • "You cannot get anything out of nature or from God by gambling; only out of your neighbor. "
                        — John Ruskin

                        July 20, 2015, 5:27 pm
                        I bet he's right.

                        October 6, 2015, 5:41 am
                        I'll take those odds

                        jason jiujitsu
                        February 16, 2017, 9:04 am
                        my neighbor is one bad poker player, too. lol

                        August 11, 2018, 8:08 am
                        If anybody else is, like I was, wondering about that semicolon that should be a comma, I am sorry to report that the semicolon was indeed there in the original text. Not only that, but he stuck a dash immediately after it. I kid you not.

                        March 9, 2019, 8:21 pm
                        Well, I'll be dashed!

                        May 30, 2020, 11:24 am
                        Maybe we can give him a semicolonoscopy.


                        • "The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer."
                          — Victor Borge

                          January 22, 2011, 3:23 am
                          And the difference between a bassoon and a trampoline is that you take off your shoes to jump on the trampoline.
                          June 5, 2011, 7:38 pm
                          Oh dear.
                          May 29, 2015, 6:44 pm
                          Heard last weekend from a banjo player: "Perfect pitch is when you throw a banjo through a window and it lands on an accordion."
                          April 27, 2017, 8:42 am
                          The difference between an oboe and a chain saw is that you could tune a chain saw if you really had to.
                          April 28, 2017, 10:54 am
                          As someone who plays both instruments, I say Harumph. Actually, I can take a joke, and this is very funny.
                          May 17, 2017, 11:00 am
                          There's no difference between a trumpet and a harmonica. They both sound bad under water.


                          • (These extended conversations are so charming!)

                            "Losers quit when they're tired. Winners quit when they've won."
                            — Unattributed

                            June 8, 2012, 12:39 am
                            So when do you quit when you are not competing?

                            May 15, 2013, 3:24 am
                            When it's time for lunch.

                            December 19, 2013, 2:24 pm
                            Of course. How silly of me not to have realized that. Thanks, puzzleme.

                            March 10, 2015, 5:26 pm
                            No problem, monty.

                            December 12, 2015, 5:51 pm
                            It's funny to see a conversation between two people which took them three years to finish

                            January 2, 2016, 2:17 am
                            We were having lunch, Annamariah. Would you care to join us?

                            January 9, 2016, 5:10 am
                            how long is this lunch taking?!? :O

                            September 17, 2016, 3:11 pm
                            Well, it was still going on some four years later

                            October 23, 2016, 2:17 pm
                            Would you care to see our dessert menu? The pies were all baked fresh in 2012.

                            May 1, 2017, 9:35 pm
                            Yes, and I would like ice cream on top, assuming it hasn't gotten freezer burn by now.


                            • "There'll be bluebirds over the white cliffs of Dover, Tomorrow, just you wait and see."
                              — Nat Burton

                              montyb onJuly 30, 2018, 2:51 pm
                              How do you think those cliffs got so white?


                              • "All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions."
                                — Adlai E. Stevenson

                                December 23, 2012, 7:49 pm
                                And that is how you win at Twister.