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  • "Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years."
    Robert Oxton Bolt

    PianoManGidley
    February 19, 2011, 4:20 pm
    Ah, the old ball and threads!
    chopstix
    March 2, 2014, 8:12 am
    haha!
    montyb
    May 11, 2015, 3:20 pm
    Or a needle and chain.
    maradnu
    September 7, 2016, 3:24 pm
    I'm standing on a ledge and your fine spider web is fastening my ankle to a stone. - Leonard Cohen
    kb83
    April 25, 2017, 2:13 am
    mine is sew-sew.
    kb83
    August 27, 2018, 7:27 am
    On the mend.
    LLapp
    July 9, 2019, 4:06 am
    Quit needling me.

    Comment


    • "You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs. "
      Unattributed


      PianoManGidley
      December 2, 2010, 1:37 am
      Any cook will tell you that. But look what happened to the cook!
      Lurker
      December 22, 2010, 1:37 am
      I love that movie.
      bansaisequoia
      August 2, 2011, 2:16 pm
      What movie?
      WRQ9
      July 27, 2012, 12:06 am
      What cook?
      BeeAre
      September 22, 2012, 1:04 pm
      I thought this was Walter Durranty talking about Joe Stalin starving millions of people in the Ukraine famine of the late thirties.
      locodad
      September 28, 2012, 10:50 am
      What did the egg say to the cook?-You crack me up
      Lurker
      September 21, 2013, 12:55 pm
      The movie was Clue. I believe this particular exchange was Martin Mull and Eileen Brennan.
      LLapp
      January 27, 2015, 11:51 am
      BeeAre, that was an awesome comment.
      darkyr
      January 26, 2018, 10:04 am
      You can't have bacon with your omelette without breaking a pig.
      tavi5280
      March 10, 2018, 3:29 am
      Q:What did thee chicken say when she saw an omelette? A: Just look at all those mixed up kids!
      Eureka
      December 29, 2018, 3:54 am
      Thanks for all the laughs everyone!

      Comment


      • "In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous." Robert Green Ingersoll (August 11, 1833 July 21, 1899), Civil War veteran, American political leader, and orator during the Golden Age of Freethought, noted for his broad range of culture and his defense of agnosticism.

        darkyr
        April 13, 2016, 6:33 am
        That's Republic of Mediocrity, mr. freethinker.

        Comment


        • "I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm."
          Alfred Hitchcock


          Lurker
          May 18, 2010, 11:36 pm
          My new favorite quote.
          leslie65
          December 15, 2010, 10:43 am
          I would have solved it faster but I was busy laughing at the quote so far!
          montyb
          April 26, 2012, 4:33 pm
          Hilarious! And I like bagpipes.
          abra
          July 20, 2014, 2:16 pm
          I like the one that says, the Irish gave the Scots the bagpipes as a joke, and the Scots still haven't gotten the joke.
          oddcouple
          January 26, 2015, 5:06 pm
          Joe is walking down the street when he sees his friend Jack carrying a pig under his arm. Joe asks "where did you get such an ugly animal?" The pig says "I won him in a raffle."
          Andy451
          January 14, 2016, 11:37 am
          --from The True Sayings of Jesus Q: Why do bagpipers always walk when they play their instrument? A: To get away from the noise.
          darkyr
          February 21, 2017, 4:39 am
          Oh,wait. I think I just got it... No, maybe not. What?
          BriddlesBob
          May 29, 2018, 9:07 am
          The mother goose was making so much noise quacking and quacking, that the gander called a couple of goslings over and said, "Tell that old bag,' pipe down.'"

          Comment


          • That time when sheep learned to do crosswords.

            "The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep."
            Alan Patrick Herbert

            abra
            September 2, 2013, 2:18 pm
            There are days when you'd really admire my marriage, Alan.

            Quizzical
            February 6, 2014, 6:08 am
            After 45 years... oh, you meant crossword. We don't do those either. What is sheepish about choosing the right person, anyway.

            dovid1946
            February 15, 2015, 3:45 am
            when we argue, I always get the last words. And they are invariably 'yes, dear'

            LLapp
            June 17, 2015, 11:36 am
            Anytime I hear a "Yes, dear" during an argument, I know we both have some listening to do.

            MatthewReynolds
            October 25, 2015, 1:52 am
            I've always found that it's not the arguments so much but the mutual agreements that are arrived at by such arguments.

            kb83
            March 27, 2016, 4:09 pm
            Agree, it is the first 25 years that are the hardest.

            larry149
            May 2, 2016, 7:15 am
            dovid1946, our arguments end one of three ways: "Yes, dear," "You're right,' or "I'm sorry."

            mikehallbackhoe
            January 24, 2017, 5:38 pm
            my wife and I have been married for 30 years and have never had a crossword puzzle.

            marnita
            September 3, 2017, 9:01 am
            After a while you learn what to avoid saying.

            DrCryptell
            February 17, 2018, 9:27 pm
            Do ewe think 2 sheep could live together in the same ram for 25 years? Maybe in heaven. Their average lifespan is 10-12 years. Baa humbug!

            badbob
            June 23, 2018, 8:46 pm
            in 48 years we've had only one argument. it started at our wedding reception. still going

            Comment


            • Originally posted by marnita View Post
              We're still waiting, LLapp

              "Flowers never emit so sweet and strong a fragrance as before a storm."
              Jean Paul Richter
              sexytary on 2013-08-10 10:30:29
              Seriously?
              abra on 2013-10-06 15:00:42
              Is that true? I like flowers, but I'm not a gardener.
              LLapp on 2015-01-20 06:47:20
              Maybe I'll run outside to check the next time I see a storm brewing . . . . and if you never hear from me again, you'll know that Richter's ruse worked.
              montyb on 2015-07-19 11:07:09
              LLapp? Are you there, LLapp? Helloooooo...
              LLapp on 2015-08-06 10:03:00
              Okay I'm back, soaking wet and tracking mud. What's for dinner?
              abra on 2015-09-04 14:46:11
              The flowers, woman, did they emit a sweeter fragrance? Inquiring minds need to know this.
              skeeter on 2015-09-20 04:36:09
              My gardenia blossoms emit their strongest, sweetest scent just before they die.
              kb83 on 2015-12-04 03:39:50
              This must be a metaphor for something.
              LLapp on 2016-01-18 17:59:10
              Back again, and it's mid-winter, with no flowers, just brown grass and frozen soil. But fear not: I have written this quote on half a 3x5 card and stuck it to the front of the fridge. Come April's first impending storm, I will be out among the forsythia, taking notes. Patience.
              LLapp never disappoints!

              marnita
              June 7, 2016, 4:15 am
              It's June now, LLapp, and we are still waiting.

              judy100 September 21, 2016, 11:12 pm
              True, the fragrance lingers in the high humidity.

              BoggyBoots November 2, 2016, 10:04 am
              Well LLapp?

              NotTooOld July 5, 2017, 12:52 am
              I've been back twice now. I am leaning toward believing the quote on this but am waiting for confirmation from LLapp.

              abra October 5, 2017, 6:12 pm
              Does Forsythia have much of a fragrance. We have some along the driveway, but I never bring it in and force it to bloom, 'cuz that would mean going out and getting it, and there are creepy crawlies out there, and I might bring them in.

              LLapp May 14, 2018, 10:31 pm
              I'M BACK!! I had trouble with the solution this time and was about to give up when I saw the word "fragrance" and I realized, whoa -- it's that quote!! And guess what -- I just checked the fragrance on neighborhood flowers when we went walking before a brewing spring rain only 3 days ago. Seriously, I even explained as I was sniffing that I had promised my cryptogram friends I would report back about this, some day. And so here we are. . . . . Now what else was I going to say . . . . . haha, just kidding. Here's what I found: The flowers that normally have a heavy fragrance on sunny days do indeed emit even heavier fragrance before the rain! (I suspect it has more to do with the behavior of fragrant molecules in humid air than it does with flowers putting out more fragrance.) I also noticed that flowers that have only a mild fragrance on sunny days don't seem to have much fragrance in the pre-rain either.

              marnita October 9, 2018, 1:24 pm
              A good reply, LLapp, even if it did take you more than three years to produce it.

              LLapp December 18, 2018, 7:24 pm
              Marnita, that comment is almost verbatim the same comment I've repeatedly gotten on term papers in school.

              didit January 29, 2019, 10:13 am
              Thanks for doing the research,LLapp! I'll try to check it out for myself in the spring.

              obsessedreader8
              May 4, 2019, 12:01 pm
              48 seconds.

              abra June 8, 2019, 7:58 pm
              I was starting to worry about lightening. I'm glad you didn't have to stand in your garden with lightening approaching.
              Last edited by Eureka; 09-06-2019, 09:05 PM.

              Comment


              • Unfortunately a Jack Handey, but fortunately the comments were much funnier.

                "People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side, which is the preening."
                Jack Handey

                silveryaspen
                May 3, 2009, 12:46 am
                people preen as much as birds ... more ... they invented the mirror!
                bansaisequoia
                December 23, 2009, 9:54 pm
                Yeah, but people don't have to preen with their beaks.
                Barnabas
                October 8, 2011, 9:28 pm
                I would think the negative side would be getting shot at, provided you're a goose or a pheasant.
                fredsevent
                May 19, 2012, 9:45 pm
                Preening is totally cool, dude.
                montyb
                May 28, 2012, 4:46 pm
                Many years ago a kid told Art Linkletter that he/she thought it would be neat to be a bird because you could fly around all day and never stop; not even to go to the bathroom.
                momof7
                December 27, 2012, 12:42 pm
                I'd like to be a bird because sitting on your backside on eggs sure beats morning sickness.
                Kgun5
                May 1, 2013, 11:07 am
                Ever had a hemorrhoid, momof7?
                chopstix
                May 7, 2013, 4:25 am
                oh my! funny thread! btw ol' Handy could use some preening himself if you ask me.
                wordfairy
                May 7, 2015, 10:13 pm
                Lol, Chopstix, no wonder - it's a negative thing to him!
                billyjoebob
                April 7, 2016, 10:02 am
                I want to be a pigeon.
                MamaB
                November 5, 2016, 8:40 am
                Do you know what they use to preen? Do you know where they get it???
                marnita
                February 10, 2017, 12:55 pm
                I wonder if laying eggs is painful.
                LLapp
                August 25, 2017, 8:13 am
                ^Whoa - I never thought of that!
                LLapp
                October 2, 2017, 7:38 pm
                Though it can't be more painful than birthing live young with giant brain-filled heads.
                marnita
                November 26, 2017, 2:58 pm
                True, but you don't have to do it every day.
                momof7
                January 8, 2018, 2:53 pm
                silveryaspen, my daughter's budgies preen in front of the mirror and then let us all know at the top of their lungs just how handsome they are.
                imsoeasy
                March 28, 2019, 4:41 am
                Preening is to keep feathers in shape and waterproof as well as keep them free of dirt and parasites.

                Comment


                • "Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all."
                  Georg Lichtenberg

                  LLapp
                  October 11, 2014, 9:33 am
                  And that's why my lobotomy was the best choice I ever made.
                  abra
                  January 15, 2016, 7:52 pm
                  OMgosh, do you think he meant this literally?
                  montyb
                  June 27, 2016, 7:27 pm
                  I have no opinion, abra.
                  munchlet
                  July 4, 2017, 2:10 am
                  Short answer to abra: Yes. It connects to Buddhism and nonattachment, also Stoicism. No lobotomy required. You can think and act and live your life, but all that ego-based BS, otherwise known as "opinions," goes straight into the compost heap -- and this is my own never-to-be-humble (never was) OPINION.on this matter. You don't like it? Then, to paraphrase Groucho Marx (he was speaking of principles), I've got other ones!

                  Comment


                  • Poor Aldous never even got a donut . . .

                    "Defined in psychological terms, a fanatic is a man who consciously over-compensates a secret doubt." Aldous Huxley

                    Queethebean
                    June 26, 2012, 8:00 pm
                    I had mistyped & it read "a secret donut". I like my quote much more.

                    Lurker
                    October 2, 2012, 2:14 pm
                    Mmm...donuts.

                    wvwoman
                    December 11, 2012, 3:38 am
                    ohhh...i wonder if the light is on at krispy kreme?

                    montyb
                    July 3, 2013, 2:38 am
                    Is it a jelly donut?

                    universalmom
                    November 18, 2014, 1:50 pm
                    wv, was the light on, and was it delicious??

                    abra
                    October 27, 2016, 6:24 pm
                    My secret donut is chocolate with sprinkles.

                    skeeter
                    February 23, 2017, 10:56 pm
                    Ah, yes, the deadly Krispy Kreme "Hot ones NOW" light.

                    oddcouple
                    March 22, 2017, 10:41 pm
                    Oh, to go back to being a kid and eating one of my mother's homemade doughnuts!

                    maradnu
                    April 15, 2017, 2:32 pm
                    Krispy Kreme is open 24 hours near me

                    pickleball
                    March 15, 2019, 4:46 pm
                    one mention of donuts and we re off.......

                    skeeter
                    May 2, 2019, 4:54 pm
                    Apparently -- to all of you joining us late -- we are now off to a doughnut party. HOT ONES NOW! HOT ONES NOW!

                    Comment


                    • Every time I solve this quote, monty makes me laugh out loud.


                      "What people say behind your back is your standing in the community." — Edgar Watson Howe

                      montyb
                      September 17, 2013, 9:16 am
                      So, just what exactly does "dead from the neck up" mean?

                      LLapp
                      December 22, 2015, 7:14 pm
                      It's an expression of great respect in some cultures, monty.

                      Comment


                      • "Every man is his own ancestor, and every man is his own heir. He devises his own future, and he inherits his own past." — Frederick Henry Hedge

                        kb83
                        March 31, 2014, 10:06 am
                        i am my own grampa.

                        LLapp
                        September 22, 2015, 11:19 am
                        I am my own crazy great-aunt.

                        montyb
                        September 18, 2017, 7:29 am
                        Me am caveman Ogg!

                        darkyr
                        September 7, 2018, 5:29 am
                        Ogg! I've been looking everywhere for you. You owe me twenty pieces of flint rock.

                        montyb
                        September 20, 2018, 2:28 pm
                        Chips am in mail, darkeer.

                        Comment


                        • Victory is reserved for those who are willing to pay it’s price.
                          - By Sun Tzu

                          Comment


                          • "Painting is an attempt to come to terms with life. There are as many solutions as there are human beings."
                            — George Tooker


                            montyb
                            March 9, 2012, 10:16 pm
                            And counting....
                            montyb
                            June 6, 2013, 1:32 am
                            Remember, if you are not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
                            jnoodles
                            July 8, 2013, 11:28 am
                            I precipitated you might say that.
                            joma1944
                            February 4, 2014, 10:13 am
                            we're getting precipitation as I write.
                            QuexUl
                            March 1, 2016, 3:20 am
                            I find this quote to be overly precipitate.
                            abra
                            April 25, 2017, 10:20 am
                            I used to work at a place that had a precipritator. I'm confused, because we didn't do any painting. They did have people come in and paint the walls, maybe that was it.
                            DrCryptell
                            May 17, 2018, 10:39 pm
                            I once painted a door on a brick wall and then opened it and walked through to the other side, proving his truth.
                            pickleball
                            May 21, 2019, 10:36 am
                            and what was on the other side?
                            Persephone59
                            May 22, 2019, 12:13 pm
                            DrCryptell has been watching Daffy Duck cartoons. Remember the holes he would carry around and just put them wherever he needed to, like the side of a building? Or when the artist started erasing him? Those were favorites.

                            Comment




                            • "It is more honorable to be raised to a throne than to be born to one. Fortune bestows the one, merit obtains the other." — Petrarch


                              montyb
                              November 19, 2013, 9:40 am
                              Just how honorable is it to dress as an asparagus spear?

                              Comment


                              • Hilarious contents for a hilarious movie

                                "There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?"
                                — Elaine Dickinson


                                greenacres
                                March 13, 2011, 6:16 pm
                                Perhaps the funniest movie ever.
                                pootie49
                                May 24, 2011, 5:30 pm
                                thats a roger roger.
                                cknapp329
                                June 21, 2011, 1:12 pm
                                Don't call me Shirley
                                montyb
                                June 7, 2012, 1:13 am
                                Looks like I picked the wrong day to give up Cryptograms.
                                kjmcaj
                                July 27, 2013, 4:06 am
                                48 seconds.
                                Barnabas
                                August 1, 2013, 3:46 pm
                                Julie Haggarty and Leslie Nielsen played their parts to perfection.
                                LLapp
                                September 29, 2014, 10:42 am
                                "Hello, we'd like you to have this flower from the church of religious consciousness." - Gregory Itzin, a.k.a. President Logan on 24.
                                killdozer
                                November 20, 2015, 6:14 pm
                                "Tell your old man to drag Walton and Lanier up and down the court for 48 minutes.".
                                LLapp
                                March 9, 2016, 8:14 pm
                                Here is a set of clips from "Zero Hour," the 1957 film that "Airplane!" was based on. The verbatim matches are amazing. (Sorry I could not find any clips outside of Facebook.) (link)
                                Ian123
                                September 20, 2016, 9:31 pm
                                Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue!
                                SippyGurl
                                July 23, 2017, 5:34 pm
                                lol her scene with otto
                                fishbum
                                November 27, 2017, 11:04 am
                                yes Sippygurl. The biggest laugh I ever had.
                                didit
                                September 8, 2019, 7:03 pm
                                LLapp, thank you for sharing that clip.

                                Comment

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