Classic Comments on the Quote

[oddcouple]

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age. "
— Groucho Marx


JJ20paws
December 31, 2015, 10:28 am
When did you grow the 'stache?
maradnu
April 5, 2017, 2:20 pm
He was born with it
lertsek
June 29, 2018, 6:12 pm
It could be said that cavemen were born at a very early age.
Persephone59
April 8, 2019, 8:39 pm
I hadn't seen this one before. Nice chuckle.
badbob
June 22, 2019, 7:07 am
his best quote IMHO is "i would never join an organization that would accept me as a member"

[oddcouple]

"Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. "
— Josh Billings

PianoManGidley
February 17, 2011, 11:53 am
Kill the silence. SILENCE! I KILL YOU!!
saipanwriter
September 15, 2014, 1:24 am
Used by passive aggressive individuals...
QuexUl
November 14, 2014, 1:30 pm
.......
LLapp
April 18, 2015, 2:34 pm
I always think very loud dish-washing is an excellent rebuttal.
universalmom
May 25, 2015, 3:54 pm
LLapp, that's a great idea
abra
July 13, 2015, 10:38 am
I am sometimes accused of loud dish washing or emptying of the dishwasher, When I am innocent of the crime.
LLapp
May 28, 2016, 7:06 pm
Omigosh, there's a community of loud dish-washing! How reassuring.
Wordigo
May 22, 2020, 11:52 am
Careful. Loud dishwashing can turn into dish crashing and eventually into dish trashing.
hrossa
April 10, 2021, 10:33 pm
Loud dishwashing is not all that informative. Unless the message is, I'm washing dishes and you're not!
LLapp
July 2, 2021, 4:30 am
Actually, that often IS the message.

[oddcouple]

"Spouse: someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single."
— Unattributed


fishbum
November 4, 2013, 8:36 am
Heh-heh.
abra
September 5, 2015, 12:04 pm
Nah.
ronasid
September 22, 2015, 1:09 pm
Scouse: Someone who'll never let you walk alone
marnita
September 24, 2015, 3:14 pm
I definitely have had a lot less trouble since I took up with my spouse.
Highpoint
December 27, 2015, 7:07 pm
Marnita, same with me. I've had a lot less trouble since you took up with your spouse.
abra
August 7, 2016, 2:54 pm
I was just saying the other day, that it was a real turning point in my life, when marnita took up with her spouse.
kb83
July 26, 2018, 6:38 am
Sounds like Ambrose Bierce.
jbb33054
December 23, 2018, 12:46 pm
83
djgoossen
May 15, 2020, 12:37 pm
I've always had troubles after acquiring a spouse. Probably because it's always someone else's spouse.
318WOZ
February 27, 2021, 8:23 am
Funny coincidence. I was just addressing the general assembly the other day, and the topic was troubles I no longer have after Marnita took up with her spouse.
hrossa
April 24, 2021, 3:16 pm
I'm thankful for Marnita's spouse, myself.
blueladyblue
August 17, 2021, 8:12 pm
Let's all hope marnita doesn't take down her spouse.
gryhnd51
December 19, 2021, 3:28 am
Marnita, I love your spouse ALMOST as much as I love mine! You folks are just too funny sometimes...

[ravenclaws62442]

"The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him." - Robert Benchley


bansaisequoia
July 10, 2010, 3:31 am
Robert Benchley's a monkey! Robert Benchley's a monkey!

montyb
February 21, 2012, 10:36 pm
May I quote you on that?

Barnabas
December 4, 2012, 9:08 pm
Most of the time, calling me a monkey is an insult to the monkey.

henrietta
July 24, 2013, 3:58 am
...ah, but it works!

marnita
June 7, 2015, 11:50 am
A lot of monkeys on this site!

montyb
December 28, 2016, 7:59 am
"Oo, oo! Ee, ee!" And you may quote me.

[oddcouple]

"I doubt that imagination can be suppressed. If you truly eradicated it in a child, he would grow up to be an eggplant."
— Ursula K. Le Guin


reader4
September 15, 2011, 5:02 am
This comes from Life Magazine, vol. 10, 1987. I think it's a misquote. (Begin quote) If the imagination is suppressed, Le Guin writes in "[Why Are Americans Afraid of] Dragons," humans will mature physically but will remain at worst "eggplants" and at best stunted and unhappy people afraid of anything "childish" or "untrue." (End quote) From "The Language Of The Night" by Ursula K. Le Guin and Susan Wood, 1980.
kjmcaj
May 1, 2013, 8:34 pm
68 seconds.
Allen
August 1, 2013, 1:42 pm
Actually she got it wrong: dragons are afraid of eggplants.
montyb
March 2, 2014, 4:46 am
Eggplants are fearless. That's why they terrify me so.
kb83
January 7, 2015, 5:14 am
So eggplants are rootless?
dovid1946
February 24, 2015, 4:26 am
My two kids are named artichoke ( we call him art for short) and broccoli ( he's art's bro). We stopped there but the next one would have been named carrot ( short for carrot top) if she turned out to be a red head
dovid1946
May 8, 2015, 8:36 am
I apologize for writing the drivel on 2-24. Maybe I was under the influence of drugs at the time, or worse, Jack Handey
LLapp
May 27, 2015, 1:30 pm
Ha - david, I know the feeling.
darkyr
January 8, 2017, 3:16 pm
Maybe you were under the influence of eggplants.
Roxanne
March 4, 2017, 2:05 am
Ursula Le Guin is a wonderful writer. I recommend Catwings and the Left Hand of Darkness for the full range of her imagination.
MamaB
May 1, 2017, 5:22 am
reader4 was amazing. I see why y'all miss her.
abra
July 21, 2017, 7:08 pm
reader4 isn't here anymore? I didn't know.
marnita
September 3, 2017, 4:29 am
Reader4's last appearance here was in October of 2012.
NotTooOld
February 20, 2018, 11:50 am
Ursula passed away on January 22, 2018. Almost a month ago now.
llapp
March 1, 2019, 3:37 am
I recall reading an exasperated comment from Reader4, asking what was the point of all his/her research if the quote errors were never corrected. I wonder if that was one of the last Reader4 comments.
mohamm1
February 1, 2020, 6:17 am
USA: Land of the free and the home of the Eggplants... About 60% of the "adults," anyhow. Excessive stress KILLS imagination. Give stress relief to children. Take stress-relief days off. #AllMindsMatter.
jbb33054
April 12, 2020, 7:24 pm
176
Ian123
March 7, 2021, 10:15 am
All eggplants are equally foolish.
Wordigo
November 10, 2021, 11:48 am
What wrong with eggplants? I love them. Baba Ganoush is my favorite.
figmo
December 9, 2021, 12:35 pm
Then there's The Eggplant that Ate Chicago....

[oddcouple]

"To read a book for the first time is to make the acquaintance of a new friend - to read it a second time is to meet an old one."
— Selwyn Champion


DuckEverlasting
August 4, 2010, 5:17 am
Cool name.
SippyGirl
September 3, 2013, 5:03 pm
said duckeverlasting ; )
oddcouple
July 2, 2016, 12:01 pm
said sippygirl
puzzleme
October 4, 2018, 6:28 pm
Said oddcouple.
Disturbed1
March 7, 2019, 1:52 pm
said puzzleme
318WOZ
May 19, 2020, 5:10 pm
Said Disturbed1....okay, wait. I kind of hate to break the pattern, but I don't think this will end up being the old friend Champion was describing.
jbb33054
September 6, 2020, 10:53 pm
53
dj whatever
April 9, 2021, 10:27 am
Said 318WOZ
LLapp
July 17, 2021, 10:52 pm
Whatever.
Synonymous
July 26, 2021, 1:49 pm
Said LLapp. Excellent quote. I'm reading a book right now that I read back in 1966 and it is a great feeling to reacquaint myself with all the characters -- old friends.
blueladyblue
January 31, 2022, 6:26 pm
And, like time with many old friends, I fell asleep after the 3rd retelling.

[oddcouple]

"Censor: a self-appointed snoophound who sticks his nose in other people's business."
— Bennett Alfred Cerf


Lurker
January 5, 2011, 10:14 pm
Perhaps there should be a colon after Censor?
matarisa
May 3, 2011, 12:52 am
Yes.
justplayin
July 29, 2011, 11:19 pm
Yes,
gryhnd51
November 25, 2011, 2:24 am
"censor" the VERB means to remove, suppress, delete, to express disapproval of. In this quote, it is NOT being used as a noun, in which case a colon would be required.
momof7
March 10, 2013, 7:13 am
It makes sense either way. The lack of a colon here makes censor a verb. With a colon it would be a definition of the noun 'censor'. I think it makes more sense as a noun, but that's not the way it's given here.
kb83
November 14, 2014, 2:48 am
I vote for noun and a colon.
maradnu
January 29, 2015, 12:19 pm
Having a colon is handy. I'd hate to be without one.
montyb
June 19, 2015, 4:23 am
Some censors are intimately acquainted with their own colons.
Roxanne
December 31, 2015, 4:01 am
I bet censor is a noun and the colon is missing. It sounds like Bennett Cerf's style that way, and I doubt he would have urged censoring someone, since he won a big court case against censorship (of James Joyce's Ulysses).
LLapp
May 23, 2016, 2:53 pm
ERROR: Please add a colon after "Censor" per the original quote. To verify: (link)
ruxpin66
November 27, 2016, 7:59 pm
Yes, a colon would be great. I'm tired of looking at the inside of the one I've got.
kb83
November 30, 2016, 7:44 am
Okay, admin. A group colonoscopy has determined that the patient needs a colon transplant.
SippyGurl
December 24, 2016, 6:54 am
oh, is this how snoop dog got his name?
thedarylscrew
February 8, 2017, 11:34 am
Is "snoophound" a word?
Andy451
May 9, 2017, 7:59 am
And thank god for censors people! Can you imagine what kind of stuff Shakespeare would have written if he hadn't had to get all his work approved by the bishop of London? And wouldn't this country be a better place if those yahoos at SNL, The Daly Show, The Colbert Report, and The Bill Maher Show were all permanently silenced? If we just watched Fox News like the president says, almost all our problems would go away. This country would be magically transformed to how it was in the 1860s when there were no government regulations, and polluting the environment and slavery were both 100% legal. If you'd only listen, really listen to Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Donald Tweeter, Ryan somebody, and Whitey Spence, the American Dream would be suddenly realized across the globe, even in Iran, Syria, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, Algeria, and Egypt and those other countries the commander-in-chief wants to put under a travel ban. I know some of you skeptics out there will protest and say can censorship alone make our country great again, and build a paradise on earth? You betcha folks! Censorship surely did the job in North Korea. Who wouldn't want to live there? Censorship can do the same job in this country if we are only open-minded enough to give it a chance. All we are saying, is give censorship a chance!
Fudi
December 8, 2019, 12:21 am
All of you have such great censors of humor!
ernests
April 7, 2020, 4:32 am
This Cerf guy is no Ambrose Bierce.
Wordigo
September 16, 2020, 3:57 pm
Colon censor treatment is colonectomy. If he is lucky, it may leave the censor with a semicolon, otherwise, with a period.

[oddcouple]

"There is no 'I' in TEAM, But there is an I in Win "
— Unattributed


kat
March 22, 2009, 5:12 pm
There's no "I" in TEAM, but there IS a "me".
tabbyclaw
April 13, 2011, 5:59 am
If there is no 'I' in team, and there is no 'U' in team, then just who is on this team?
kb77
September 9, 2011, 5:02 pm
meat. thats who (what). when i heard this quote it was "but there is an i in victory.
dominicclust
May 30, 2012, 3:36 pm
There is no "I" in TEAM, but who cares? Athletes don't need to know how to spell.
WRQ9
November 23, 2012, 6:14 pm
There's a "U" in turn, but you will be left alone.
Lurker
August 7, 2013, 6:56 pm
And if you turn back "time", you get "emit".
kb83
August 12, 2015, 7:06 am
There is "ME" in "TEAM".
skeeter
August 26, 2015, 3:18 pm
tabbyclaw, you made me laugh out loud.
BriddlesBob
December 1, 2015, 5:22 am
But there is an "I" in Gipper!
YorkiesRule
February 8, 2017, 2:44 am
Hey, I reached my personal record in almost 3 years of cryptograms - 12 seconds!
skeeter
March 23, 2017, 7:20 am
Tabby, I'm still laughing.
skeeter
April 20, 2017, 6:13 am
9 seconds and still nowhere near nanrich.
viktoria
May 26, 2018, 5:35 am
But there is an "I" in bite me.
Persephone59
April 25, 2019, 2:15 am
Thank you, Viktoria. Enough of this team talk.
abra
December 29, 2019, 2:40 am
LOL, viktoria! Fly the W!!
bigdave
August 4, 2020, 2:32 pm
Who's on first, tabby?
darkyr
October 4, 2022, 2:46 pm
I guess we are all better off being part of a unit.

[oddcouple]

Astrologers are agreed that the squiggles called a horoscope contain some sort of message to be decoded."
— Dennis Elwell

WRQ9
March 20, 2012, 12:35 am
Trending, if you ain't doin' it you ain't modern!
mikehallbackhoe
August 1, 2014, 4:12 am
squiggles took me awhile
LLapp
February 26, 2015, 4:00 pm
Very weird quote.
mtvoyager
March 17, 2015, 9:50 am
49 seconds.
oddcouple
November 5, 2016, 7:17 pm
No wonder Elwell made such a stupid comment. He was a British astrologer. Need we say more?
SippyGurl
February 10, 2017, 9:45 am
oh, i thought it was a funny
ruxpin66
May 14, 2018, 2:00 pm
I kind of thought it was funny until I read oddcouple's comment that Elwell was, himself, an astrologer.
Eureka
November 27, 2018, 11:24 am
"Squiggles" sounds very scientific.
maradnu
August 8, 2019, 11:14 pm
Astrology is about as scientific as squiggles
abra
August 13, 2019, 2:50 am
In my quote the code for that was abra. I think that's the first time that's happened in 10 years.
Deanna48
August 23, 2019, 6:27 pm
^awesome!!
imported_bees
January 18, 2020, 8:54 pm
It was meant to be Abra Written in the code of the universe.
Wordigo
August 8, 2021, 11:38 am
Squinting at squiggles helps read the horoscope.
jukk888
January 22, 2022, 2:07 am
"Squiggles" slowed me down.
maradnu
October 8, 2022, 11:58 pm
The squiggles say 'if you believe this nonsense, you're a schmuck'.

[LLapp]

"Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month." — Wernher von Braun

wvwoman
January 17, 2013, 6:47 am
what?

WRQ9
August 14, 2013, 11:26 pm
Getting nine women pregnant before you crash requires a concentrated effort, at some point it may help to let the first baby drive.

abra
July 14, 2014, 1:19 pm
I don't understand, AT ALL.

abra
April 6, 2016, 2:03 pm
On second thought, WRQ9's comment is hilarious. I think.

abra
June 13, 2016, 2:32 pm
On third thought too. Very funny, WRQ9.

Highpoint
December 31, 2016, 5:51 pm
It's kind of like saying that if it takes a car an hour to get somewhere, then two cars could get there in 30 minutes.

maradnu
November 4, 2017, 2:30 pm
I think he meant that with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby IN a month.

highbrow
November 17, 2017, 4:32 am
If you get nine women pregnant at once I guarantee you the fun part is over.

[hrossa]

"True happiness comes from doing what's right, not just doing what makes you feel good. " — Unattributed

geeko321
August 15, 2013, 6:43 pm
Shouldn't there be a comma between "right" and "not"?

LLapp
November 6, 2014, 4:45 pm
Yes. Error: Please add a comma after "right."

kb83
April 7, 2015, 11:31 am
But wouldn't adding a comma just feel good?

abra
July 17, 2015, 3:54 pm
LOL, kb83.

marnita
November 8, 2015, 12:04 pm
Adding a comma would be doing what's right.

LLapp
February 3, 2019, 12:53 pm
The righteous Baron has added a comma.

imsoeasy
February 12, 2019, 3:56 pm
The Comma Cons got their way.

No2son
March 1, 2019, 10:50 pm
Comma,comma, down doobie do down down!

[oddcouple]

"Never ask a favor of someone until they have had their dinner. "
— Unattributed


montyb
May 1, 2012, 5:50 pm
For good measure, also give them part of yours.
Lily H
August 16, 2013, 9:43 pm
Don't forget to bring the dessert.
puzzler86
April 21, 2014, 4:41 pm
54 seconds
abra
January 4, 2015, 3:50 pm
Are you through? Would you mind just doin' the dishes?
Spenser
February 5, 2015, 6:19 am
"Could you look at this lesion on my butt and tell me if it looks infected?"
BriddlesBob
November 4, 2015, 12:50 am
or until they have a "winner."
darkyr
February 8, 2017, 3:05 am
Doc already said your butt's gonna fall off. Now pass me the gravy.

[oddcouple]

"If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old."
— Edgar Watson Howe


maradnu
May 21, 2017, 2:44 pm
Howe did he come to that conclusion?
writeon
February 14, 2018, 4:07 pm
This quote is nothing to laugh at.
DrCryptell
June 2, 2018, 10:47 pm
When I'm old I'll cry all day and all night so I won't have any time to laugh.
Persephone59
September 18, 2018, 4:52 pm
DrCryptell, you are going to have one stuffed-up nose.
Wordigo
December 19, 2021, 12:05 pm
This is why, we, as kids, make troubles just for laughs. And then, when we get older and have grandchildren, the troubles catch up with us.
DaddyOmar
July 11, 2022, 6:08 pm
You will remember all the crazy things you did

[LLapp]

"Until three years ago, that was my definition of a celebrity: somebody who gets to ride around in a zamboni." — Justin Bieber

countessofmontecry
November 13, 2011, 12:04 am
That's funny ... mine too!

maradnu
November 15, 2013, 7:58 am
Now he is someone who hires Brazilian prostitutes - and others too, in all likelihood.

momof7
January 12, 2014, 9:27 am
After skating with my boys, we always wait around to watch the zamboni.

abra
July 25, 2015, 9:32 am
My daughter-in-law got to ride on the Zamboni, at a hockey game.

plazz
October 22, 2016, 2:48 am
What's a zamboni for heaven's sake??

Persephone59
April 16, 2017, 8:39 pm
I looked it up... hockey's not a thing here in Portland... and Tanya Harding ruined ice skating... but a Zamboni is a machine for resurfacing ice for rinks so it's smooth.

imsoeasy
November 11, 2018, 5:23 am
That clears that up. A Zamboni is not a Brazilian prostitute.

badbob
October 5, 2019, 3:20 am
tell that to Consuela Zamboni

autumngirl
December 14, 2020, 8:01 pm
I can always count on Bob!

[oddcouple]

"A true philosopher is like an elephant; he never puts the second foot down until the first one is solidly in place."
— Fontenelle


montyb
June 24, 2012, 12:33 am
I thought he was going to say large and plodding; trampling anything in the way.
tjsrc
December 5, 2013, 9:47 am
With a long nose and sparse hair. As well as able to uproot trees easily.
LLapp
May 7, 2015, 10:23 am
And seven sets of teeth.
kb83
March 30, 2016, 4:05 am
And never forgets? And goes to a "philosopher graveyard"? And says "tusk, tusk"?
BriddlesBob
February 16, 2017, 5:03 pm
and works for peanuts
MamaB
April 17, 2017, 7:25 am
:-)
lertsek
March 12, 2018, 8:40 pm
Cools himself with his ears and uses his nose to bathe.
vintage38
March 21, 2018, 5:16 am
36 seconds
Persephone59
May 27, 2018, 4:22 am
You guys are making me want to go to the zoo. They have a wonderful elephant enclosure here in Portland.
MissKitty
September 24, 2018, 5:07 am
Kilroy 26
kb83
March 21, 2019, 5:38 pm
And sees a lot of gray areas.
bigdave
February 13, 2020, 2:42 pm
Like one of my favorite fictional characters, Stephen Maturin,Fontenelle was a "natural philosopher", so quote refers to scientists.
Elephino
July 4, 2020, 1:03 pm
Y'all remind me of "The Blind Men and the Elephant"
abra
July 28, 2021, 2:11 am
Cracking poor clowns dressed as peanuts.
badbob
November 12, 2021, 5:15 am
i am thinking of the episode of the Mary Tyler Moore show where Chuckles the clown was stomped to death by an elephant because he was dressed like a peanut
montyb
April 9, 2022, 6:51 pm
Persephone, do they have a philosopher enclosure, too?
Eureka
October 11, 2022, 2:34 pm
^You'll find those at most universities.