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  • "Progress always involves risk - you can't steal second base and keep your foot on first base."
    — Frederick Wilcox

    bansaisequoia on 2009-05-26 00:15:37
    Who's on first? What's on second?

    Lurker on 2011-05-28 01:14:52
    I don't know.... third base.

    wordsnob on 2011-07-28 23:16:08
    and I don't give a darn. . .

    fredsevent on 2011-08-04 16:17:05
    You don't have to steal second to progress in baseball.

    pootie49 on 2011-08-23 15:39:26
    theres progress in baseball?

    bvwRedux on 2012-02-18 00:42:02
    90 feet.

    locodad on 2012-10-14 14:48:52
    You could steal all you want in baseball and never go to jail, bases that is. That's why is so much fun

    montyb on 2013-02-16 14:49:05
    And why bankers like the game so much.

    Allen on 2013-06-22 23:25:05
    Baseball: 20 minutes of excitement packed into four hours!

    Quizzical on 2014-02-15 15:59:19
    Allen, you're being generous. But humorous nonetheless.

    dovid1946 on 2015-01-21 15:27:52
    Fred Wilcox was the back up catcher for the Yankees and replaced Yogi Berra when he got his foot stuck in his mouth ( just kidding)

    oddcouple on 2015-12-16 18:36:15
    Football: eight minutes of action spread out over three hours.

    kb83 on 2016-04-08 01:59:32
    Ah, stealing as a metaphor for progress-- love it.

    Comment


    • "I'm just an average guy. I'm not Mother Teresa, but I'm not Charles Manson either." — Mike Tyson

      bansaisequoia on 2010-08-09 21:03:22
      That's certainly a letter of recommendation. I'm better than Charles Manson.

      chriscrojam on 2010-11-23 08:59:06
      I'm not Mother Teresa, but I'm not Mike Tyson either.

      fredsevent on 2011-10-02 04:06:51
      I'm not who I'm not, but I'm not who I'm not either.

      Comment


      • "Safety isn't expensive, its priceless."
        — Unattributed

        LLapp on 2014-10-16 17:58:21
        ERROR: Add apostrophe: it's

        kb83 on 2015-01-12 07:39:58
        'Tis still unfixed.

        Barnabas on 2015-02-04 09:34:21
        Its not fixed... I mean, It's not fixed.

        kb83 on 2015-06-18 06:35:24
        Apostrophes are not expensive, they are priceless.

        ...and it's still not fixed!

        Comment


        • "Never do anything that you aren't prepared to face the true consequences of."
          — Laura Schlessinger

          bansaisequoia on 2012-01-31 20:55:54
          Absolutely. I never posed for nude photos in the '70s.

          pootie49 on 2012-05-14 21:21:16
          thank you bansai.

          Hash on 2012-08-22 10:24:37
          Never a preposition end a sentence with.

          puffybob on 2013-01-01 17:13:37
          I agree -- Those nude photos of bansai in the '80s were worth waiting for.

          tabbyclaw on 2013-01-17 06:04:15
          Like claiming that a doctorate in a completely unrelated field makes you an expert at something?

          puzzler86 on 2014-04-15 20:30:27
          48 seconds

          Comment


          • "The head and feet keep warm, the rest will take no harm. "
            — Unattributed

            gryhnd51 on 2014-03-20 21:04:40
            Good advice for cold weather.

            judy100 on 2016-01-07 01:47:46
            An ad for hats and boots.

            LLapp on 2016-03-01 17:46:57
            "Arm yourself Watson, there's an evil hand afoot ahead!" - from a winning entry in the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

            wvwoman on 2016-04-23 00:19:27
            that's my favorite from that year, llapp!

            Comment


            • "Once in a while you have to take a break and visit yourself."
              — Audrey Giorgi

              montyb on 2012-08-07 01:59:31
              Wish I could, but I left no forwarding address.

              universalmom on 2012-09-24 16:41:34
              Hi self, wassup?

              killdozer on 2015-05-28 11:45:19
              But I'm a terrible host.

              MrsLew on 2015-06-05 02:16:36
              thanks for the smile y'all.

              Comment


              • "Freedom means you are unobstructed in living your life as you choose. Anything less is a form of slavery. "
                — Wayne Dyer


                maradnu on 2009-05-06 01:22:17
                So, if I want to spend my life cheating, stealing, and hurting others, but can't due to society's laws, that is enslavement? Baloney cubed!

                debzhaus on 2011-04-05 17:06:32
                Oh, Wayne, you make no sense so often it is almost impressive.

                bazinga on 2012-02-25 19:56:38
                Nothing can be gained without something else being lost. No one can be free to do whatever they wish without someone else suffering.

                WRQ9 on 2013-08-16 16:39:31
                Living precisely as we wish demands our constant attention.

                746tiger on 2015-05-14 07:41:31
                How very shallow of you Wayne. See, we have to think things through before we pontificate.

                pegxpeg on 2015-05-26 11:02:15
                Wayne was hanging out with the Marquis de Sade, and he was all like, "I love you man."

                LLapp on 2016-05-12 20:57:53
                Mmmm . . . cubed baloney.

                Comment


                • {[QUOTE=oddcouple;7333]"Once in a while you have to take a break and visit yourself."
                  — Audrey Giorgi}

                  I don't recall ever solving that one, but it did remind of two pretty funny jokes... here's one of them.

                  A guy walks into a bar, seats himself on a stool, orders a beer, and quickly notices that besides himself there are only two other customers in the place. The bartender gets his beer, and he settles into watching ESPN on the TV above the bar... but he also can't help but overhear the discussion at the nearby booth where the other customers are is getting rather excited, and it's going something like this...
                  "Where did I grow up, you ask, well I grew up in Minnesota!" says the young lady sitting across from the other.
                  "You did? Wow! That's pretty cool, I grew up in Minnesota too!"
                  "You did?" Again, it's the first gal. "Where in Minnesota did you grow up?"
                  "I grew up on a farm in Freeborn County," replies the 2nd gal.
                  "Whoa..." exclaims the first, "I grew up on a farm in Freeborn County! This is starting to get weird!"
                  "Probably not all that weird," the 2nd gal answers. "After all, I graduated from high school in 1977."
                  "SHUT UP!!!" says the 1st gal. "I graduated from high school in 1977!"
                  "For real?!" asks gal #2. "I graduated from the high school in Hayward - population 250!" she adds.
                  "NO BLEEPIN' WAY!!" says gal #1. "I graduated from Hayward High School in 1977 also!"
                  The guy sitting at the bar then turns to the bartender and quietly asks, "What's up with the two ladies over at the booth?"
                  "Oh," the bartender answers, "the Petersen twins are drunk again."

                  Comment


                  • "It's the friends you can call up at four a.m. that matter."
                    — Marlene Dietrich

                    opallady on 2010-09-16 17:23:58
                    It's.

                    montyb on 2012-05-16 16:56:25
                    And who have the bail money.

                    nevadasmith68 on 2013-03-07 02:02:53
                    HaHa

                    Barnabas on 2015-04-07 10:34:17
                    If it's 4 AM CST where you are, and I'm in London... then yeah, give me a call.

                    oddcouple on 2015-09-22 14:43:44
                    If I call anyone at 4 AM, it better be an emergency. Otherwise, I won't have any friends.

                    Comment


                    • "A man is the sum of his actions, of what he has done, of what he can do, Nothing else. "
                      — Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

                      maradnu on 2009-03-03 01:32:39
                      Well, that is depressing.

                      mumu on 2010-05-11 00:52:28
                      It's Gandhi, not Ghandi...

                      Morpeth on 2015-07-04 17:33:14
                      Depressing? Not at all. Be a person of action. If you can think it, do it. Be it. That is who you are.

                      montyb on 2015-07-16 06:14:53
                      I am a solved cryptogram!

                      Roxanne on 2015-12-12 10:06:55
                      Better than being an unsolved one.

                      marnita on 2016-04-30 14:31:36
                      But the unsolved ones are more intriguing, full of potential. Once it is solved, it may turn out to be just another motivational platitude.

                      LLapp on 2016-05-07 08:35:08
                      I am a motivational platitude!

                      Comment


                      • I have known a German Prince with more titles than subjects, and a Spanish nobleman with more names than shirts."
                        — Oliver Goldsmith

                        bansaisequoia on 2012-03-08 20:01:47
                        His Grace, the Right Honourable Reverend Lord John Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt IV, Esquire. (Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental)

                        gryhnd51 on 2012-11-24 03:59:11
                        You must have been a boyscout, Joseph.

                        abra on 2014-02-26 09:29:15
                        His name is my name too. Whenever we go out...

                        JD_1947 on 2014-11-10 04:24:36
                        'the people always shout . . there goes JJJHS' . .

                        montyb on 2015-06-02 12:19:29
                        WWJJJHSD?

                        CCCookie on 2015-12-16 02:37:08
                        John Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt, that's my name too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout, John Jacob Jingleheimer-Schmidt! Sung over and over by all of us kids sitting in the back of the car until my Dad rebelled, when we would switch to "99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer; take one down and pass it around, 98 bottles of beer on the wall. etc., etc. etc. DVDs to entertain kids in the back seats of vehicles must be a great relief to parents who can provide them. Truly smiling right now. Fond memories.

                        Comment


                        • "I don't even know what street Canada is on."
                          — Al Capone

                          pootie49 on 2009-04-05 11:18:07
                          Its on the corner of maple and leaf

                          sirarcher on 2009-11-19 15:56:36
                          pffft... :P

                          LurkerSmurf on 2014-04-15 13:40:58
                          Dan Quayle might know.

                          momof7 on 2015-01-31 18:35:45
                          ...and Pootie can still make me smile

                          dovid1946 on 2015-03-30 05:01:18
                          Al was not exactly a mental giant

                          kb83 on 2015-12-22 04:45:15
                          I'm guessing he was being facetious.

                          Comment


                          • "In human life there is constant change of fortune; and it is unreasonable to expect an exemption from the common fate. Life itself decays, and all things are daily changing. "
                            — Plutarch

                            skoogie2 on 2014-01-24 01:56:41
                            to everything, turn, turn, turn

                            montyb on 2014-02-23 14:18:45
                            ...there is a season, turn, turn, turn...

                            wordfairy on 2014-09-28 20:41:42
                            ♪♫♪ and a time for every purpose under heaven ♪♫

                            abra on 2015-08-17 10:59:39
                            A time to be born, and a time to die A time to plant, and a time to reap...

                            opallady on 2015-09-26 11:33:24
                            A time to kill, a time to heal. A time to laugh, a time to weep.

                            wvwoman on 2015-10-31 13:53:27
                            a time to build up, a time to break down a time to dance, a time to mourn...

                            LizardLeap on 2016-01-23 09:52:37
                            a time to cast away stones, a time to gather stones together...

                            Comment


                            • "If you play it safe in life you've decided that you don't want to grow any more."
                              — Shirley Mount Hufstedler

                              montyb on 2012-05-15 20:51:59
                              I'm six feet tall; I don't need to grow any more.

                              WRQ9 on 2012-08-20 19:08:41
                              If I could get my up started again, but my out has really taken over the show.

                              Quizzical on 2014-05-11 09:09:34
                              If that's all it takes, I'm playing it safe from now on.

                              Quizzical on 2014-06-27 08:34:09
                              I'm back again and I'm still playing it safe. And still growing...older. I want my money back, Shirley.

                              universalmom on 2014-08-26 15:20:22
                              wrq9 you make me laugh

                              marnita on 2015-06-02 07:42:44
                              I'm working on growing younger and thinner.

                              Comment


                              • "Having the fewest wants, I am nearest to the gods."
                                — Socrates

                                fstop on 2013-05-12 01:49:33
                                Ahhh... fewest wants, not newest pants.

                                universalmom on 2014-01-19 07:08:42
                                Yes, me too, newest pants

                                slow1 on 2014-09-20 07:46:18
                                lol I knew that was silly, but still - it seemed to fit.

                                montyb on 2014-12-03 14:20:47
                                The newest pants in my closet really fit me.

                                abra on 2015-11-01 14:20:46
                                Newest pants is one of the best alternate solutions, that I've ever seen.

                                larry149 on 2015-11-06 04:44:23
                                I have the fewest warts.

                                wvwoman on 2015-11-17 17:47:52
                                haha--i like fewest warts!

                                pegxpeg on 2015-12-15 15:55:15
                                Newer pants in the days of togas would have been cutting edge. Bill and Ted.

                                Comment

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