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  • Hilarious thread!


    • "Common sense and nature will do a lot to make the pilgrimage of life not too difficult."
      Somerset Maugham

      sznndenise on September 19th, 2016
      Cotton sense.

      Persephone59 on June 26th, 2017
      No, you're thinking of Faulkner, from the South.
      "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." -- Albert Einstein


      • Queethebean Rules Over This One!

        "What we feel and think and are is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera. " Aldous Huxley

        pootie49 on March 29th, 2009

        maradnu on May 25th, 2010
        Ain't that uplifting and romantic ;-)

        montyb on April 10th, 2012
        The biologist in me really appreciates the humor in this.

        Allen on December 27th, 2012
        Love them ductless glands!

        universalmom on April 15th, 2013

        kb83 on May 20th, 2014
        You have cute viscera.

        opallady on April 24th, 2016
        It sounds like a line from "the Big Bang Theory."

        abra on August 6th, 2016
        I was going to write just what pootie wrote. Ick, who wants to hear about ductless glands and Viscera? LOL

        LLapp on May 17th, 2017
        So . . . nobody else thought it was hot?

        fishbum on July 26th, 2017
        Name a ductless gland. In case I get back here.

        SippyGurl on October 1st, 2017
        what's all this about duckless lands and mascara? bring the duckies back!

        Queethebean on September 3rd, 2018
        fishbum: I've named it "Carl." Hope that helps.


        • "A man of my spiritual intensity does not eat corpses." George Bernard Shaw

          kb83 on July 28th, 2014
          it takes away your esprit de corps.

          momof7 on August 20th, 2014
          Can you imagine what his breath would smell like? He'd definitely need a death mint.

          RS2 on April 4th, 2016
          Anyone for a pig roast?

          Barnabas on November 28th, 2017
          Not with a fox, not in a box. Not here, not there, not anywhere. I do not eat green corpses Sam I Am, not with bread and not with Spam.

          Queethebean on February 13th, 2018
          Would you, could you in a morgue? Or eat a corpse in Luxembourg? Maybe with a fava bean? Or paired with juicy Soylent Green?


          • Those comments are priceless!


            • "Your failures won't hurt you until you start blaming them on others." Unattributed

              saipanwriter on February 26th, 2015
              I hate "don't" and "won't"...

              emtonsti on August 13th, 2016
              Me too salpan

              jnoodles on September 13th, 2016
              Me too and it's both your fault!!!!

              seastar228 on September 17th, 2017
              jnoodles...are you my ex?


              • About monkeys

                "Example moves the world more than doctrine. The great exemplars are the poets of action, and it makes little difference whether they be forces for good or forces for evil. "
                Henry Miller

                jalexica on April 6th, 2012
                monkey see...

                Allen on December 29th, 2012
                Monkey? Si!

                montyb on March 1st, 2014
                Monkey Sea.

                JD_1947 on November 16th, 2014
                So, in other words they void each other out and don't really set an example one way or the other . .

                LLapp on February 26th, 2015
                That photo of Henry looks a little like a monkey -- see?

                phthelen on August 23rd, 2017

                oddcouple on December 23rd, 2017
                monkey si

                Persephone59 on March 21st, 2018
                I had some sea monkeys at one time. Also Magic Rocks.

                maradnu on June 7th, 2018
                Monk E? Si.

                lertsek on June 13th, 2018
                Ah, sea monkeys. Marketing at its finest.

                imsoeasy on November 4th, 2018
                Aside from all the monkey's, this is a perceptive quote.


                • "I'm not judging people, I'm judging their actions. It's the same type of distinction that I try to apply to myself, to judge, but not be judgmental."
                  Jeff Melvoin

                  puzzleme on June 5th, 2013
                  To fudge, but not be fudgmental.

                  montyb on December 27th, 2013
                  Me too, puzzleme.

                  LLapp on January 27th, 2016
                  "Fudgmental"!!!! What a useful word!

                  tgreen517 on May 30th, 2016
                  It is hard to live up to fudgespectations.

                  mmfs83 on March 18th, 2017
                  Now I want some fudge.


                  • "The feeling remains that God is on the journey, too." St. Teresa of Avila

                    Queethebean on February 26th, 2013
                    Well, the least he could do is chip in for gas once in a while.


                    • "When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped."
                      Marcel Achard

                      wvwoman on April 22nd, 2013
                      very funny!!

                      universalmom on May 26th, 2013
                      Yes, that's going a bit far!

                      universalmom on April 10th, 2016
                      monty, weigh in on this one?

                      sexytary on June 1st, 2016

                      kb83 on July 18th, 2016
                      I love it.

                      YasmineMK on August 23rd, 2016
                      well the man isnt asking for much lol

                      maradnu on August 26th, 2017
                      Particularly when it is a digital watch

                      writeon on February 5th, 2018
                      Time is an illusion so he must have imagined people looking at their watches.

                      BriddlesBob on April 26th, 2018
                      I wondered who might have originated this OLD joke that 100's of speakers have mentioned during my lifetime.

                      blueladyblue on May 31st, 2018
                      Oh, man, I know what he must feel like. Can you imagine Socrates is giving a lecture to his students, and he catches them checking their sundials? Embarrassing.

                      darkyr on August 2nd, 2018
                      A cloud passes overhead and everyone groans in unison.


                      • Abra wins!

                        "The Greeks by their laws, and the Romans by the spirit of their people, took care to put into the hands of their rulers no such engine of oppression as a standing army. "
                        Thomas Jefferson

                        puzzleme on April 23rd, 2013
                        I beg to differ with President Jefferson on both counts.

                        LLapp on November 27th, 2014
                        Regardless of his assertion, I just want to point out the President's exquisite mastery of English syntax. That is a truly graceful sentence.

                        thedarylscrew on January 26th, 2017
                        I had creeps and womans.

                        abra on June 26th, 2018
                        Beware of Creeps bearing gifts, and when in wome do as the women.
                        "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." -- Albert Einstein


                        • Monytb gets his wish after DVMJDCPA hustles to a 9 second record

                          "Good things happen to those who hustle."
                          Chuck Noll

                          montyb on July 22nd, 2018
                          117 seconds for this easy one. Please, someone take my name off the record.
                          montyb on September 10th, 2018
                          Thank you, DMVJDCPA!


                          • "I prefer to be a dreamer among the humblest, with visions to be realized, than lord among those without dreams and desires." Khalil Gibran

                            jnoodles on December 13th, 2016
                            His name would make a good breakfast cereal.

                            MamaB on March 25th, 2017
                            Um, crunchy, protein, low carbs.

                            Nautilus on August 13th, 2017
                            Tons of hidden sugar.

                            skeeter on December 1st, 2017
                            And when the grocer sells that cereal, just think of the Prophet margin.


                            • And the score is: comments 10, quote zero.

                              "The mind moves in the direction of our currently dominant thoughts." Earl Nightingale

                              Spenser on February 2nd, 2015
                              Talk about stating the obvious, because about our currently dominant thoughts define the direction our mind is moving.

                              kb83 on February 26th, 2015
                              I wonder what he was thinking when he thought this one up?


                              • "The world is divided into people who do things, and people who get credit. Try, if you can, to belong to the first class, there is far less competition. Dwight Morrow

                                montyb on December 14th, 2018
                                Absolutely, although Morrow borrowed this saying from me.